Ships Pass in the Night
by Sterroline
Summary: Caroline: the bi-curious vegan who packed her bags and ran away with the town lesbian. She has two palms tell two different stories. One palm tells one story. One palm tells another. Caroline could have had two different lifelines. And she still has the chance to change her destiny, nothing is set in stone. Human. AU. [Rated M]
1. Prologue - Thousand year old soul

**a/n: I wrote this story quite a while ago and kind of forgot about it. I found it again so I cleaned it up and posted it. I hope y'all like it. It has a lot of Katherine, so it's a little different than my normal stuff.**

 **Prologue**

 _Eighteen thousand year old soul  
Midwest shooting star_

Whoever said psychics are full of it were dead on. I realize this halfway through my very first psychic reading in San Diego. I was wearing my class ring on my ring finger because that is the finger it fits on and I noticed that she glanced at it.

"I see a dark force trying to break you and your husband apart."

"I'm not married," I said with a smirk and I noticed her eye darting to my finger again.

"I'm sorry, this is from the future. Are you and your fiance planning to get married within the year?"

I stifled a laugh and looked into the eyes on the dark haired, olive skinned woman in front of me. She was pursing her lips as she waited for me to answer, "I'm not engaged."

She looked at my palm and furrowed her eyebrows, she traced the lines on my palm again and asked to switch hands.

When saw my left hand her mouth dropped a bit. "How strange," she murmured. "I have never seen such a difference in someone's palms."

I wanted to get up and walk out so badly but I stayed.

"Your lifeline splits. This tells me that you could have had two lives."

I rubbed my lips together and looked at her expectantly, waiting. "Everyone is faced with a million decisions every day that could have changed their life," she explained and I can't help but agree with her.

"The difference here is that you made a decision, very recently, it seems... that altered your destiny so profoundly that your palm is telling me both lives. Your current and your former." She looked at me with wide eyes and a half smile. "Let me do a card reading?" she almost begged.

I scoffed and went to grab my purse. "I'm not going to pay fo-"

"I'll do it for free!" she said insistently. A large, creepy grin overtaking her face.

I tilted my head in interest of her offer and slowly set my purse back down. "I guess I can't argue with free."

She dropped my hand and went straight for the cards like she had just won some sort of prize. I lifted my eyebrow at her in surprise. Was she really this excited to do a tarot card reading?

 _She must be new._


	2. Chapter One - In the place she waits

**Chapter One**

 _In the place she waits_  
 _But she moonlights rock and roll_

"Caroline," Katherine said exasperatedly as I walked out of the back room of the psychic's office. Her dark, cleanly waxed eyebrow was cocked at me in frustration. Her brown eyes seemed to have darkened to black. Her long brown hair that was down when I went into the room was now up on the top of her head in a tight bun and she seemed to be sweating kind of profusely from the lack of air conditioning. I was sweating too, though. She had been the one that suggested the stupid psychic and now she was angry that the meeting went to long.

"I hope she didn't take all your money," Katherine barked. She was hungry. Katherine was always a bitch when she was hungry. She was a bitch a lot of the time, but it got a lot worse when she was hungry.

The psychic followed me out and passed me to get to her. She handed Katherine a 20 dollar bill. "I'm sorry we took so long, Kat. I'm offering your money back as a peace offering." Then she pointed to me. "This one is special."

Katherine's hard-as-stone exterior began to melt and she took the money and smiled at the psychic. "It's cool, Giselle." That could _not_ be that woman's real name. "I'm not going to stop my weekly sessions because Caroline is _special_ ," Katherine said the last word like it was poison and looked me up down. "Ready?"

"Yes," I cleared my throat. "Can we go eat?"

"Please dear lord, yes." Katherine agreed, "See you next week, G." She waved to the psychic (who definitely wasn't named Giselle) and we were on our way to the streets of San Diego.

There was a mexican restaurant a block closer to the beach so we strolled toward it. We walked in silence, all I could hear were the flip of our sandals on the pavement and the sea of people that seemed to be crowded on each corner.

Finally she turned to me and hit my arm a little harder than she had to. "You gonna tell me? Or what?"

I rolled my eyes. "She's crazy!" I blurted. "She just made up some bullshit story because she got it wrong the first time."

"Got what wrong?"

"My palm reading," I explained.

Katherine opened the door to the restaurant and let me in first and followed me shortly after. I kept my eyes trained on the menu. I stared as if I didn't know what I was going to get. She pulled at my arm.

"What?" I said without looking at her.

"Come on, just tell me." She almost begged.

The thing about Katherine is that she doesn't really let up. She's determined. She's strong willed. And she gets what she wants. Which is why I'm even in San Diego in the first place. But, that's a whole different story.

It was our turn to order. "One beef burrito, black beans and hot sauce." I ordered Katherine's usual, "and one veggie with no cheese or sour cream."

"We call that the vegan steven," The lady behind the counter said dryly.

"One vegan steven," I said with a laugh and Katherine bumped her side into mine. She pulled out her wallet and paid with the $20 she'd just gotten from _Giselle_. (I just know that's not her name.)

We found an empty booth by the window and I got in and moved to the far side so Katherine could get in next to me and put her hand on my bare thigh.

So now is the part where I tell you the most cliche thing ever.

Katherine is my girlfriend and yes, I am also a vegan. A vegan hippy lesbian. Or a vegan, non-hippy, bi-curious receptionist from Mystic Falls, Virginia.

Her hand grazed back and forth on my bare skin, from my knee to the edge of my jean short-shorts. My "daisy dukes" that she loved so much. I leaned into her and grabbed her hand to stop her from touching me. I loved the touch, I just felt sticky and she was beginning to give me the chills.

I blew my bangs out of my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder as we waited for food. "Are you going to tell me?" She said again and I lifted my head up and turned toward her and kissed her lips softly. Hoping that was answer enough.

My way of saying _I still love you. But I don't want to talk about it._

She kissed me back and then backed away. "Just tell me. It can't be that bad," she said and lifted her eyebrow at me. she wasn't going to let up. I knew this.

I took a breath. "She said that my palms read two different stories. Two different destinies. That my right hand had the life I was living now and my left had the life that could have been mine. But, I made a choice pretty recently that altered my destiny."

Katherine's jaw dropped, anger and frustration clouded her eyes. "Did she do a tarot reading?"

"Yes."

"And?"

Our order came and I grabbed the tabasco on the table and began to drench my burrito. "The decision happened within the last 18 months," I said then I took a large bite. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I could see Katherine's wheels turning as I handed her the tabasco. She gave me a look, telling me to keep talking. I sighed. "Apparently in my other reality I would have been married to a man I already know. I knew him before the decision was made." Her eyes snapped back onto me and I suddenly felt like I should have lied. I _definitely_ should have lied. Stefan popped into my mind immediately when I heard that. And, I know that it popped into hers too.

"Did she say anything about the move?"

"No." I lied. I was lying too late. I had already revealed too much.

She lifted her eyebrow. "Really?"

"All she said was that I had recently moved," I lied again.

"What else did she say?"

"She said my timeline is the same either way. I will live the same amount of years. A long healthy life."

"No cancer?"

I laughed and nudged her. "Not that she foresaw." Katherine is constantly worried I'm going to acquire skin cancer due to my pale skin being in the sun so much. "She said the sunscreen is working," I teased.

"What did she say about this timeline?"

"She said that she thinks I'll have children in five years and she sees two boys and no girls. She said she could see an important day in August." Katherine smiled at this very brightly, "Of next year." Katherine's smile faltered.

"Anything else?"

"She believes that-" I chuckled a little, "That if I concentrate hard enough I will be able to dream about my other timeline."

Katherine looked away from me and took a bite of her burrito, I did the same. That set something in her off. We ate in silence for longer than I really liked. I was almost halfway through with my burrito when she finally said what she was thinking.

"Are you going to?"

I shook my head and laughed, trying to brush it off like it was nothing. "Of course not," I comforted her and put my arm around her. "I'm exactly where I am supposed to be."

She smiled and kissed me again. I hate when we kiss after she's eaten meat. But, I decided it was something she needed, so I kissed her.

"I'm going to get a to-go box." She motioned to the massive burrito in front of her.

"Get one for me too," I told her and she grinned. As she walked away, I bit my lip and looked down at the table in front of me. Stefan's face flashed through my mind. The way he'd bite his lip when he'd lean into me. The way he'd grab my hair when he kissed me. The way he'd focus as he read. He clouded my vision and all I could see was him.

I care about Katherine, I do. But, Stefan. He was the love of my life. And thinking about the possibility of a life with him had my wheels spinning. I shook my head and tried to get him out of my mind. Katherine came back to the table and handed me a box.

"Let's get out of the heat," she said, wiping a touch of sweat from her forehead. I stood and put my hands on her hips, something I could do openingly in California. It wasn't so accepted in the south.

"Let's get out of the heat and get back to bed," I said and put my lips on her, tasting her, trying to get _him_ out of my mind. Trying to envelop myself in her to chase him away.

 **a/n: the next chapter takes a whole different turn. So, be ready for that. Hope you're liking it so far.**


	3. Chapter Two - nothing comes close

**a/n: This is the "Stefan Chapter". So, when I first wrote this (a year ago or so), it was planned out to be a full 24-30 chapter book. I might try to shorten that up. Hopefully it doesn't take y'all too long to figure out what's going on here. I hope you like it!**

 **Chapter Two**

 _I want you_  
 _Yeah, I want you_  
 _And nothing comes close_

"Caroline!" Stefan called from the front door of our brand new apartment. "I'm home."

Stefan loved saying that he was home. It started from the moment we moved in together two months ago.

"I'm shocked," I teased as I turned around and greeted him. I had been cooking for about an hour and the pot pies I had been making still weren't done. "I thought I had at least another thirty minutes."

"The boys let me out early," he grinned his cartoonish perfect smile and pulled me into him. His dark hair was slicked back in his "lawyer chic" way about him and his suit still smelled like cigars and axe body spray.

"Did you win a case?" I asked, unburying my head from his dress shirt and looking into his beautiful green and almost translucent eyes. "Or was the cigar just for kicks?"

"Nothing gets passed you, darlin'," he said in the light southern drawl that seemed to come around after a few drinks. He leaned down to kiss my lips and gave me a light kiss. "Donavan settled with one of the pharmaceutical companies he's been haggling with," he told me between kisses. "I won't bore you with the details, but baby, I have to admit: we had a little scotch too," he chuckled and pulled my waist into him.

I am pretty sure I married Don Draper and we are just playing out a movie from the 1950's. All I'm missing is a poodle skirt. I let him kiss me a little longer, kissing my lips and my cheeks and nuzzling my neck.

"You're friendly tonight," I murmured, leaning into him.

"Well, I missed you today," he said softly and licked his lips and gave me another quick kiss before letting me go.

"What are you makin', baby?" he asked, and my god he was adorable when that accent came flooding back in. I bit my lip and smiled at him.

"Chicken pot pies," I said nervously and Stefan gave me a knowing look. I chewed on my lip. "Shut up. Dinner will be ready soon," I promised him. "Go pour yourself another glass." I offered and he nodded and made his way to the liquor cabinet.

I had tried to make these pot pies about twelve times since we started dating. Twelve separate times. It was a Lily Salvatore famous recipe and I'd fucked it up royally almost every single time.

I turned and opened the oven to see that my chicken pot pies had overflowed. " _Dammit_ ," I said under my breath and slipped on my heating pad over my hand and pulled the pies out. I just wasn't made to be a housewife. I'm the daughter of a sheriff and a gay man. Neither were very good when it came to cooking. We were pretty exclusive to ordering in.

Just as I was tossing the pot pies into the trash, the doorbell rang and I prayed that the Pizza Gods had sent me a saviour. I ran to the door but Stefan beat me to it.

As Stefan opened the door, his jaw dropped and he looked toward me, his eyes almost accusatory. I tried to look past him, but the combination of him and the red door was in my way. I couldn't see who was outside of it. "What the hell are you doing here?"

There is only _one_ person he would react to this way. I stuck my head out to see Katherine Pierce standing in the doorway. Wet from the rain in a white, now see-through summer dress. "Can I come in?" she asked, standing in the doorway with her hand on her hip and her mouth slightly open. Katherine Pierce was dripping with sex, as usual.

Hustler, my husband's very large husky jumped on Katherine to greet her and she backed up to avoid him. Stefan reached to grab Hustler's collar and got it just before he pulled Katherine down. He pulled the dog back in and looked at me. "Can you contain him?"

I nodded and grabbed Hustler and took him to the patio where I knew he'd whine for an hour until we let him in. I closed the door and scurried back to the foyer. My heels clicked against the hardwood and by the time I got to the door Katherine was inside already. Stefan was handing her a towel that she was using to dry her long wet hair. There was a red hue at the ends of her hair and a monroe piercing in her lip. Both were new since I'd seen her last month.

When she pulled the towel off her head, she handed it to Stefan and also handed him her duffle bag that was sitting at her feet. "You got room for one more?"

"Until when?" Stefan asked gruffly.

"Until the party."

"What party?" We both said in unison. Our accents blending together in a southern cocktail mix.

"Elena and Tyler's engagement party? It's next month."

"Elena is marrying Tyler?" Stefan said in complete disgust. "They've barely known each other a year."

"You two got married in under a year," Katherine pointed out blankly before looking at me. She looked me up and down and I felt uncomfortable. She looked better than ever. I was 15 pounds overweight and white as a ghost.

"We've known each other for so much longer than a year," Stefan said, his voice was portraying his frustration with her being in our house, and I couldn't say that I blamed him.

Her bronze skin almost shimmered. She wasn't wearing make-up and still she managed to shimmer. To glow. "We've got an extra bedroom," Stefan told her. "Come on. I'll show you."

I ran to the bathroom to observe myself. My blonde hair was hanging limp on my head. I haven't put product in it in two or three days. My mascara smudging from being over the stove for an hour and my jeans were a size too big while my shirt was a size too small. I ran to our bedroom to change my clothes as I did I passed the guest room where Stefan was pulling out a couple extra blankets. "I keep it cold in the house so here are a few more."

I don't care what anyone says, you cannot beat southern hospitality. He hates Katherine and he's making sure she's warm enough.

As soon as I got to our room, I pulled off my clothes and threw on a summer dress and turned on the curling iron. As the curling iron heated up, I threw on some more mascara and eyeliner. I dusted my face with powder and searched in my make-up bag for some bronzer.

"What happened to dinner?" Stefan said from the doorway, watching me put on my face in the vanity.

"I kind of screwed it up again," I told him and scrunched up my nose. He walked to me knowingly. "I know, I know. I just need to stop trying."

Stefan laughed. "I did _not_ say that."

"You were thinking it," I accused and Stefan lifted an eyebrow at him. I leaned to him and gave him a soft kiss.

"Let's go out." he offered with a grin.

I nodded, matching his smile. "Margarita Tomas?"

"Sure," he said. He pulled out his tucked shirt and undid his tie. "I guess I should tell Kat to put something decent on." I hated that nickname.

"Decent?" I said with a chuckle.

Stefan tilted his head and moved back toward me. "Yes. Decent. The whole being able to see her nipples thing... not really appropriate." I had noticed the nipples, I was hoping he hadn't. He kissed my cheek and walked toward the closet and looked through his t-shirts until he found one he wanted. "So," his voice was steady, too steady. He was trying to keep it calm. "You didn't know she was coming?"

"I was just as surprised as you," I told him honestly. "I swear."

He turned to him and gave me a light smile. "Okay," he murmured and kissed my forehead. He put his hand on my cheek and caressed it for a minute. "Okay."

My amazing, nervous, perfect, jealous husband.

When we were all ready to go Katherine came over and hugged me before we walked out. "Didn't get a proper hello," she told me and kissed both of my cheeks. My eyes met Stefan's and he turned away abruptly.

"Well," I said tension filling me voice. "HI!" I said in a high pitched greeting voice. She laughed and we followed Stefan out. I grabbed his hand and caressed it softly.

We got in the car and I got in the drivers seat and Stefan called a couple of our old friends to meet us and in the 15 minutes it took us to drive there, we already had a party.

There was 10 people at a table for 20 and 8 pitchers of margaritas on the table. "Now this is a party!" Katherine beamed as we entered the restaurant. She was bombarded with hugs and kisses.

"You didn't tell us you were coming."

"I tell you what, if you were straight... MMM MMM!"

"How long you in town?"

"We got a spare room."

The waitress, Rudy, came up and smiled at me and Katherine. "The misfits are back," she said with a laugh. Her hair was dyed the same shade of red it has been since college, she's just got a little more wrinkles than when we were in college.

"We can pay the bill this time," Katherine grinned up at our old waitress. "Pinky swear."

"You've used up your pinky swear privileges!" Rudy shot back and looked at Stefan and winked. "But I know he's good for it."

Stefan perked up for the first time since we walked in and put his arm around me. "Oh don't worry, Rudy. Their food is on me."

"Mine is on him too," someone in the group shouted and the table erupted with laughter.

I smiled at my husband, kissed him softly, and leaned into him. I felt his hand as he played with my hair and for a moment, I forgot that Katherine had showed up on our doorstep.

Then my eyes looked up and met hers and I felt her kick my shin under the table and the smashing realization was back. She was here. And she was still _Katherine._ Which means she wanted something. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my tongue over my teeth.

What exactly did she want?

 **a/n: Song for the odd chapters: Avalanche by Walk the Moon**

 **Song for the even chapters: Oceans by Seafret**

 **Don't forget to review, loves!**


	4. Chapter Three - One chance

**a/n:** fair warning, this is very smutty with both Stefan and Caroline and Caroline and Katherine. If you're kind of getting the gist of this, it's odd chapters are Kat and Care and even are Stefan and Caroline.

I got a couple questions about this in my inbox so here's my response: Soon we'll learn why the timeline really split, but this is the two timelines Giselle spoke about that Caroline _could_ have had. A big question is, though, will they both end up the same way. Or will they continue to be _so_ split.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

 _Playing a rain dance with her guitar  
_ _Sometimes you only get one chance_

I pushed out of my last yoga stance for the day. Yes, I am a vegan, lesbian _(bi-curious_ ), who does yoga. I walked out of the living room into the kitchen to grab a water. I noticed my haggard reflection in the stainless steel of the fridge. I made my way to the bathroom to look at my reflection.

My blond hair was unwashed and matted. My nipples her pert from the over air conditioned apartment. My green eyes were bloodshot from my lack of sleep the night before and my skinny frame seemed a little skinnier than usual.

I pulled off my sports bra and my spandex shorts and turned on the shower. I was overdue for one. Katherine was finally out for the day so I could get done all the things that needed to get done. With that girl in the house, I am useless.

All we do is fuck and spoon and watch movies. It's every straight man's dream, but for a productive overachiever like myself? It's a _nightmare_ sometimes. I haven't exercised in two weeks and I'm losing muscle mass.

I stepped in the shower and washed the new sweat off my body and followed it up by washing the dry sex sweat off from underneath that. I closed my eyes and thought about Katherine, naked and writhing on the kitchen counter this morning and couldn't help but feel myself begin to want her again.

I washed every inch of my body and touched myself in between lathering up. I thought of Katherine's spread legs. The sweat on her lips that tasted almost sweet. I bit my lip as I thought of her nipples and then her finger inside of me. Her tongue in my mouth.

Then I pictured her straddling my chest and Stefan's dick entering me.

I should have stopped there but I couldn't. I hadn't thought of him in so long. It was that psychic's fault. I kept picturing them both until I was just picturing him and as I felt myself release it was his face that was burned in my brain.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off quickly and ran to get my phone. I needed to call Stefan and just... I needed to make sure he was okay. Right?

No. _No. No. No._ No!

I wasn't going to call my ex-boyfriend. I wasn't going to think about him again either.

"Fucking _Giselle_. This is your fault." Her name was my own personal four-letter word.

I grabbed my phone and clicked the numbers and waited for the phone to ring.

"Hello?" The older woman answered in her southern drawl, it was Stefan's mom.

"Hi Mrs. Salvatore." I said as sweetly as I could manage.

"Well hello. Caroline?"

"Yeah, it's me." I probably sounded a little disappointed. I was hoping to talk to his father.

"Stefan isn't here. You can try his home phone." She offered and I cleared my throat awkwardly.

"I know, Mrs. Salvatore. I was calling because I had hoped that you could just tell me how he and Elena were doing?"

"Oh Elena and Stefan are fine. Just fine. Elena is hoping they can start a family and Stefan is working his way up the corporate ladder." Stefan's mom always spoke so fondly of her son.

"Well," I began and she cut me off.

"I hope that you will be here for your parents anniversary party next month," she said in her parental way.

I laughed a little. "I wouldn't miss it. I guess I'll see you there, then? And Stefan, too?"

"Oh yes. And you tell that Katherine girl she better be treating you right. You hear me?"

"I hear you."

Then she hung up the phone and I did too. Lily. Salvatore was never much for goodbyes. Not in person, not on the phone, not in prayer. She never says 'Amen'. She probably doesn't even sign emails. Just leaves a _dot dot dot_ (...) at the end. Signifying that the conversation is always going. I miss her.

* * *

The door opened just as I was putting away the last dish from the dishwasher. The house was finally clean and Katherine would rectify that very quickly. Katherine threw down her bag at the entry way and came to the kitchen immediately to hug me. I was turned towards the sink so she settled for spooning. "I hate actresses. Actors are one thing, but actresses are a whole different thing. One of them told me their eye shadow was too greenish."

"Too greenish?" I laughed. "What does that even mean?"

"It means that she's a spoiled brat that wants me to match the exact shade that is in her mind."

I laughed and turned in her arms and kissed her lips softly, "I spoke to Lily. Salvatore today."

Katherine's lips curled up. "Ew. Why?"

"She called to remind me about the anniversary party next month," I lied and Katherine gave me a big exaggerated sigh.

She curled one of my blonde strands of hair around her finger, "Do we gotta?"

"I gotta," I said curtly. "It's my parents _twenty year anniversary_." When I was three years old, my mom (Liz Forbes, now the town sheriff) married the a girl from my daycare's dad (Rudy Bennett, now the town mayor). They are quite the power couple, and I got to be raised with a sister, Bonnie. Though, we're not really as close as we used to be, it was kind of an incredible blended family.

"Yeah," she whined. "But, Stefan and little _miss_ perfect will be there."

I gave her a disapproving look. "First of all, Elena is your _sister,_ Katherine _._ " She scoffed at me and broke away to survey the contents of the fridge. She grabbed a coconut water ( _my coconut water_ ) and turned to me, waiting for me to continue to scold her. "You know what Elena is probably saying to Stefan right now?"

"What's that?"

"But, Caroline the hippy and my hipster lesbian sister will be there," I mocked her whiny voice. "They are my parents. I have to go. You can stay-"

"No way."

"Then _we're_ going."

She groaned and put the lid on the coconut water, making a face at the flavor. She grabbed a wine bottle from the fridge. "I'm drinking. You joining?" I nodded. She poured herself a glass of reisling. "White or red?" She mumbled.

"Whatever you're having," I offered and she feigned a smile and poured me a glass. I slapped her bottom and moved to her. "My working girl."

She didn't turn to me. She was mad. Mad that I'd talked to Lily. Mad that I wanted to go. My god, she'd be mad if she knew what had happened in the shower.

She turned to me, a pout on her lips. "What?" I whispered.

"We have to see them so much," she said. "Our lives are _so_ intertwined with your ex-boyfriend."

" _Your_ sister married him. He's married. I'm with you," I sighed. "I don't know what else you want."

Katherine chewed on her lip. "It's just frustrating," she said. She took a swig of her wine and swallowed harshly. "I want to be done with all of it."

"We live _across the country,_ Katherine," I mentioned, a tone to my voice. I shouldn't be irritated with her. I shouldn't be this frustrated with her for having doubts. But, it wasn't fair. She moved me across the country and part of me had the inkling that most of it was to get me out of town. She didn't want to compete with Stefan anymore.

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Well, that's not enough."

"You're kidding me, right?" I said, anger in my voice.

"We're always going to see them. For every event your family has, for every event my family has. They are just _there_." Katherine backed away from me and walked into the living room, I followed her and watched her tear the pillows off the couch so she could get comfortable. I cringed as she did so.

"Are you really mad?" I asked. "You dated my sister, and I'm not freaking out on the reg."

Katherine glared at me. "A one time experimental fling is not the same thing as an ex you were planning to marry."

"I chose _you,_ Katherine," I said with all the vigor I could muster. "I chose you and you punish me for it."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I didn't have to move here with you, I didn't have to go all in with you. I chose to do this. I chose to dive, head-first, into this relationship with you. And, every time I turn around you are skeptical of me for it. Had it been harder to convince me, would you appreciate it more?"

"Maybe," it was a yell, and it was impulsive, but the truth behind it was so obvious. She thought better of her words. "I didn't mean that."

"Had I let you chase me, and let you convince me, you _really_ think this would have been easier for you?"

Katherine downed her glass and reached for my glass, I gave it to her. "No. I don't know. It's just... one day you were registering for china and the next you were packing your shit and coming here."

I shook my head. "First of all, do you really think so lowly of me that you think that I didn't put thought into this move?"

"No!"

"Second of all, don't say it like that. There was more to it than that."

Katherine rubbed her lips together. "Yeah, and I hate that. I hate that the only reason you left Stefan wasn't because you were so head over heels for me. It was because _he_ fucked up."

I chewed on my lip and sat down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. "He did fuck up," I said. "But, I love you."

"And you love him."

I gulped. _Lie. Lie. Lie._ I was begging myself to lie. "What do you mean by that?"

"You love him, still. Had he been there, and not me, you would have picked him. You would have been married to him. You would be having his fucking kids. And, I'd be living in the apartment alone."

I stood and walked toward her, I sat next to her and put her hair behind her ear and leaned toward her. She already smelled like wine, I put my lips on her neck. "I _love you,_ Katherine. You."

I could feel her throat as she gulped. "I love you, too," she murmured and I leaned into her. Then, I was kissing her, and taking off her clothes and then, we were melting into each other.

This fight happened so many times, and it never truly got resolved. It always ended in sex. Because that is how Katherine spoke, that is the language Katherine knew. And, I spoke it very well.

* * *

 _Stefan walked into my dorm room and I turned to him, my ring was on my finger and I flashed it to him. He flashed me my bright white smile and I put my arms around his neck. "I missed you," I said with a pout._

" _I love you," he said into my mouth. We walked backward, further into the room. My phone buzzed on the bedside table and it broke my concentration. "We're going to be late to our own engagement party," I said._

 _He frowned and kissed down my cheek and neck. "They'll understand," he said, the moisture from his lips making me wet._

 _I moaned at his touch. "Okay, but we have to be quick!" I said and pulled off my underwear._

" _My god, I'm the luckiest man in the world."_

* * *

I woke up, startled by the dream. Or... the memory. I sat up and looked at Katherine's naked body, I covered her with a throw blanket. We were still in the living room. We fucked until we were too tired keep going. Then we passed out on the hardwood.

I walked to the bedroom and got dressed. It was too cold to be naked in this apartment. I saw my phone on the kitchen counter and scrolled through it quickly.

A text from Bonnie, a missed call from my mom, an email from the magazine I work for... and a text from Stefan.

 _I hope all is well, heard you were asking about me._

 ** _Fuck_**.

* * *

Thanks for reading, lovers. Please review.


	5. Chapter Four - feel your skin

**a/n: WARNING! This gets smutty!**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

 _To the way that I need you_  
 _I wish I can feel your skin_  
 _And I want you_  
 _From somewhere within_

Four margaritas and two carne asada tacos later Katherine and I were smoking a cigarette together in the parking lot. I would puff and then hand it to her and she'd puff.

"How's married life?" puff.

"Stefan is great." puff.

"Is he pressuring you for kids?" puff.

"No." puff. puff.

"Do you want kids?" long puff.

"Yes."

"With him?" puff.

"Well, I married him."

"Well," puff. "That doesn't mean" puff. "You have to have his kids."

"You're hogging the cigarette." She passed it. I puffed.

"I know I don't have to," puff. "But I'd like to. I think we'd have cute kids." long puff.

"Ours would have been cuter." puff.

She offered me the cigarette and I declined. The smoke was strengthening my buzz, which might not have been a good thing. "Ours are genetically impossible," I remind her.

She shrugged, puffed, and blew her smoke into my face intentionally. "Better hurry. Your biological clock is ticking," she laughed and inched closer. "Tick. Tick." With every tick her lips seemed to get closer to mine. "Tick. Tick." And just as she was about to do it, I turned away and pulled the cigarette from her hands simultaneously.

I took a drag and pulled her lips to mine and blew the air into her lungs and ended the connection with a soft drunken, hopefully to be forgotten in the morning, kiss. When we parted she lifted an eyebrow and said it one more time, "tick."

"Bitch," I mumbled under my breath. We both giggled. She _was_ my best friend for so long before she became my girlfriend. And now, she was my ex. Ex on both accounts, I guess. But, there were moments when I remembered the friendship, the teasing. I looked at her, planning to say something to that effect, but her face stopped me.

Katherine looked me up and down and licked her lips, her eyes were on my mouth. She wanted more than I could give her.

"Katherine..." I said and trailed off. I saw Stefan's shadowy figure coming out of the bar, his arm around his brother as the walked together.

"Stefan," I called and Katherine groaned. Stefan came toward us and I pushed past Katherine to dive into his arms. He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"I have a drunk Caroline on my hands," he muttered then parted from me. "And a drunk Katherine?" he phrased it like a question.

"Katherine?" Damon said, his voice sarcastic and teasing (as always). "Drunk? Never."

"Shut up," she barked at him and walked toward the car.

"Well," Stefan said, giving me a look. "I guess we're going..."

* * *

Tequila is the absolute worst thing a person can do to another person. If I'm mad at someone, I won't punch them in the face, or try to kill them. No. I will just pour shots of tequila down their throat until they can't see straight. Then within the course of 8 hours they will feel like a train ran over them. That will be my revenge.

I opened my eyes to see a note, four aspirin and a bottle of water on the nightstand. I grabbed the aspirin in one hand and the water in the other. I took them quickly, without hesitation and then grabbed the note in the least delicate manner I could manage.

The note was in Stefan's handwriting:

 _Hi babe,_

 _Hope you're feeling better than you were last night. I cleaned the vomit off your shoes and they are drying in the bathroom. There is some pancakes on the counter. I'll be home early to help entertain our unexpected guest._

 _XXXXXX,_

 _S_

I groaned the groan of a hungover girl and pulled myself out of bed. I want pancakes.

When I got to the kitchen, Katherine is eating a pile high stack of what look like _my_ blueberry pancakes.

"Morning sunshine."

"Are those my pancakes?"

"These are random pancakes that were sitting out for anyone?" she said me with an eyeroll. "I assumed your prince would have brought yours to your bedroom."

I pulled a fork out of the drawer and stood across the counter from her and began digging into the over-syruped mess in front of me. " _Mine_ ," I said childishly and Katherine laughed.

"How about _ours_?" She offered and I shrugged and stuffed another bite in my mouth.

"Dream about me?" She grinned and I shrugged.

"There is no way of knowing. I was drunk dreaming."

Katherine grabbed a banana from the counter and peeled it slowly, watching me seductively. I rolled my eyes and she took one more big bite of pancake before shoving the plate my way. "What do you want to do today?"

"I want to lie in bed all day and contemplate death," I said melodramatically.

"Smoke a bowl. You'll be right as rain."

I scoffed in her face and stood up straight as I could. "I don't smoke," I reminded her.

"Oh yes. You quit. For Stefan?"

"No. I just don't smoke anymore. I can't live like I'm still in college anymore," I said back quickly.

Katherine tilted her head at me and raised an eyebrow, judging. "But, you can drink like you're in college?"

"I don't like your attitude," I barked.

"You didn't mind last night," she shot back. She stood and walked around the counter toward me, her face telling me she had the upper hand. "I even got a kiss out of you," she smirked and I stared blankly at her. "You remember. Right?"

"You're lying," I said dryly and cut another section out of the stack of pancakes.

Katherine ran her finger over my bare arm. "Don't tell me you forgot," she murmured, seductively.

"I'm _married_. Plus Stefan was with us the whole time."

"Most of the time, he was. Yes. Well, when he wasn't calling Elena from the bathroom, _sure_."

My face went blank. The fork in my hand dropped and I turned toward her. "What are you talking about, Katherine?"

She smiled widely. "You didn't notice how _put off_ he was by the news of her engagement? And how many times the man had to pee? Jesus. I didn't realize _how obsessed_ he still was with her."

Her reasoning was becoming clearer to me. I noticed now, for the first time, that she was just in short tight shorts and a sports bra. I could see her pert nipples through the fabric and the tattoo that was my name is cursive was popping out the top of the shorts on her hip bone. I could almost feel her name burning a hole in my hip.

"What are you doing here? You came to our house instead of anyone else's. Claiming you kissed me and saying shit about my husband and an engaged woman. What exactly is your plan?"

She lifted up her hands as if to surrender. "Hey now. I only speak the truth, baby. You know that."

I rolled my eyes at her and walked back towards my room. "Wake me up before dinner."

As I walked toward the room, I felt her hand on my shoulder. I turned in irritation. She handed me a joint. "In case you change your mind," she said with a smile.

* * *

"Caroline," Stefan's sweet voice was in my ear. "Baby, wake up."

I turned and grinned at my handsome husband and wrapped my arms around him. "I missed you today," I told him honestly.

"Where is our guest?"

I shrugged. "She was being a bitch so I came back to bed."

"She's _always_ being a bitch," Stefan said softly. "I ordered pizza."

I grinned a wide mouth grin. "My hero."

I sat up slowly and pulled myself out of bed. "I think I'll get showered."

He waved his hand over his nose. "Good idea."

I pushed him playfully before making my way to the bathroom. I undressed without looking in the reflection. I hated seeing Katherine looking so good. I hated it. I wish that I still looked that good. I looked down at my tattoo as I took off my pants and ran my fingers over the letters.

I could remember the day that we went to get the tattoos together so vividly. I remembering knowing in my heart I could never regret it.

The joint fell from my sweatpants pocket, and I eyed it thoughtfully. I chewed on my lip for a moment and picked it up, as I did, I caught another glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I remember when Katherine and I were a hot item and now she's hot and I'm... me. I put the joint inside a pill bottle and put hid the bottle behind the cotton swabs. I turned the hot water on and rushed into the shower. I let the water engulf me. I was feeling so much better than this morning.

Katherine's words still rang through my head. Calling Elena? Really?

I tried to shake the feeling but the seed was already planted. I couldn't get it out. Why would he call her? Because of Tyler? Was it worry? Or more?

I didn't really have any room to judge. I had _kissed_ my ex girlfriend in the parking lot last night. God, I felt like a mess.

After the sticky sweat and hangover was washed away, I got out of the shower. I ignored the wetness that was caused by thinking of the outfit Katherine was wearing. I wrapped a large towel around my still wet body and walked out of the bathroom to see my husband holding a glass of scotch. He actually had a smile on his face. I walked toward him in confusion.

"What's going on?" I asked with an inquisitive smirk.

When I crossed the threshold of the hallway, I realized we weren't alone. Katherine was in the living room, also holding a glass of scotch, and smoking a joint.

Stefan giggled. He actually giggled.

"Are you two... smoking?"

Katherine walked to me and handed me the joint. "Sure are, you want?"

I looked to Stefan and he nodded in excitement. "You have to do this with us!" he said like a little kid. "The pizza is going to be so good."

There was something about Katherine. You could _hate_ her. But, you still wanted to party with her. She was so compelling. So much fun. She was... her. So _unapologetically_ Katherine.

I grabbed the joint and I pulled a long drag from it. I held the smoke in my lungs and Stefan came toward me, his lips engulfing mine. I let out the smoke into his mouth and as I did a flash of the night before came coursing through me.

When we parted, I looked at Katherine and she gave me _that_ look. The look she always gave me before we...

I shook my head. Seconds lengthened. Minutes turned to hours, and suddenly, I was sitting on the floor smoking weed with my husband and my ex-girlfriend.

It took a while for the pizza to come. Once the doorbell rang, I realized I was still in a towel. Katherine went to pay for the pizza and Stefan moved to me, kissing me strongly. His tongue tasted like scotch and mint. His teeth clanged against mine as he tried to kiss me deeper. I backed away to laugh and my towel fell. I quickly _probably slowly_ tried to pull it up, but it took me too long. Katherine saw me.

"Wow," she said, laughing. "Those have gotten... whoa."

Stefan chuckled. "Her boobs?" he laughed. "They've gotten so big." He moved toward me, kissing my lips and my neck and then my clevage. "I love them, though," he said as if trying to comfort me. I needed to change. I couldn't think of how to do it. It had been so long since I'd smoked that it hit me so hard.

"I need to change," I said, confusion clouding my voice.

"I'll get you a robe," Katherine offered.

"That's a really good idea," I said, commending her for her brilliant mind. And, at the moment, I really did think it was brilliant.

When she got back, I dropped my towel and let her put the robe on me. The way Stefan stared both made me uncomfortable and made me wet. My lips attacked his and I heard Katherine saying something behind us.

"You're right," Stefan said, breaking the kiss. And then, we were eating pizza. Again, we were all on the floor.

Katherine had changed into just a tank top and shorts and I couldn't remember when. Stefan was taking off his button up shirt and Katherine was eating cheese in from a piece of pizza. Suddenly, Katherine was crawling over to me. She asked Stefan something and he nodded and said "Whatever she wants" and then, we were kissing.

I was so high and I couldn't focus on more than one thing at a time. I could focus on the feeling of her tongue, or I could focus on the fact that it was awkward. I focused on the latter first, then when I pulled away and looked at Stefan he kissed my hand and then moved to my cheek, then I was kissing him.

Katherine's hands were all over me, and then her mouth was on me. And I don't remember when I lost my robe.

Then we were in the kitchen, and I was on the cold counter and Katherine's mouth was on mine and Stefan's mouth was licking me until I came.

I forgot about how intense a high orgasm was. And, I wanted it again, I made him enter me. While he fucked me on the floor, Katherine sat on my face. I pleasured her, moaning into her core as Stefan fucked me sensless. When Katherine came, she moved and lay her naked body next to mine and play with my nipples, licking them and flicking them and kissing my neck. Stefan moved to me, his lips on mine. I tasted like _her_ and it made him stop the kissing for a second, he moved to my neck and then he was licking the opposite nipple and her. Then the same, and then...

They were kissing and he was fucking me and kissing her.

Kissing the girl who was my ex and looked like his ex.

I could think of one thing at a time, I chose to give into the feeling of pleasure, I moaned. Their kiss broke. It wasn't longer than a couple seconds. Then, they were both focused on me again.

Katherine could tell I was coming out of my high, she lit another joint and blew smoke into my mouth, then into Stefan's mouth, then into my mouth again. I closed my eyes at the high waved through me again and I whispered Stefan's name.

"Yes?" he murmured.

"You love me?" I asked.

"God, yes," he said. "I love you so fucking much. So much it hurts."

I came so hard that it ripped through me. I grabbed Katherine's boob as the orgasm attacked me. I let Stefan finish inside me and then Katherine moved down to me, her lips hovering over mine.

"Are you going to deny this tomorrow?" she asked.

I moved to her, kissed her softly, then harder. "Yes," I said. And we both laughed.

Stefan fell to the other side of me. Katherine handed him the blazing joint and he smoked it and blew it out into the air.

Katherine whispered something, but my eyes were closed and I was focusing on the aftershocks of the orgasm.

I don't know what she asked, but Stefan said no.

I opened my eyes, and looked between them. "What?"

"I want to sleep with you," Katherine said, he smiled naughty, and her hand traveling back to my core. I was so sensitive I shivered when she connected with me.

"What did we just do?" I said.

Stefan sighed softly, sleepily. "She wants to sleep in our bed, Caroline," he said, he voice dreamy, he was drifting off to sleep.

"What could be more intimate than what we just did?" I said, the fog still very much there. The weight of everything that just happened not yet setting int.

Stefan turned to me, put his lips on mine and let his tongue slip into my mouth. "Whatever you want," he murmured and stood up. He helped me up, and I gave my hand to Katherine, she stood up with us.

"Put some clothes on," I instructed. "Only if we're all dressed." I followed Stefan's naked ass to my bedroom, as he circled into the room, I felt my hand being pulled.

"For the record," she said. "I love you, too. So much. So much it hurts."

I swallowed and looked down at the Caroline tattoo and ran my fingers over it. She stood there, expectantly.

"Get dressed," I muttered and walked to the room. When I got there, Stefan was sliding on his boxers. I pulled on a white shirt and some cotton panties. I loved toward him.

He pulled me into a bear hug. I kissed his bare chest and he kissed the top of my head.

"Did everything just change?" I asked into the darkness.

"Not if we don't want it to." He put his finger under my chin and pulled my chin up toward him and kissed me softly. The reality must have been setting in for him, too, the pot wearing off.

"I love you," he said it like a promise.

"I love you, too," I said. I could reciprocate it to one person tonight. He lay down and I cuddle into him.

Minutes passed, Stefan began to snore. I was almost asleep when I felt Katherine cuddle me. Her hand fit just the tips of her fingers into the waistband of my cotton panties and she curled up next to me. Cuddling me the same way she used to when we used to be together.

And I gave into exhaustion and let the unknown elude me for now.

* * *

 **a/n: this got really smutty, really fast. I didn't plan to have this scene for a couple more chapters. Trust me, there's a reason for this.**


	6. Chapter Five - I knew you in a past life

**a/n: this is so different then anything I've ever written because it was planned out to be a novel with original characters. Thanks for all your support even through something a little different.**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

 _You got a look in your eyes_

 _I knew you in a past life_

I woke up with a mild wine hangover and my girlfriend naked on the floor next to me. I was fully clothed and she was completely naked. I reached for the throw blanket from the couch and pulled it over her body that was beginning to get goose bumps from the cold air. I walked to our bedroom and climbed in bed and wrapped myself in my big fluffy red blanket. I noticed it was already 9 AM and groaned. I needed to wake up Katherine or she'd be late for work. I climbed out of bed and made my way back to our living room. I noticed the picture frame over the yellow pleather couch was crooked so I walked over to fix it.

I kicked Katherine lightly on my way to the poster. "Wake up, puddin'." I said and adjusted the crooked picture. It was a large panoramic picture of Katherine's naked body in bed. Well, the backside of her naked body. Her hair was draped over her shoulders and her ass was mostly covered by the white sheet but it was a naked photo all the same.

When she had put it up she exclaimed "This is what is great about living in California! In Mystic Falls, I would have gotten judged for this. Here, I'll be praised."

I jumped off the couch and nudged Katherine again. "Sweetheart. You have to be to work by ten," I reminded her and she stirred slightly before her eyes fluttered open.

She smiled up at me, there was something about that smile that I loved. I loved that she saved it just for me. It was her "I'm so happy to be with you" grin that I've been getting for a year now. I'm still not over it.

I jumped down on my knees and looked into her eyes and her grin stayed strong. "I love you," I told her.

"How much? Enough to make me some eggs?"

"Enough to cook up the byproduct of an undeserving defenseless chicken to-be." I rephrased for her.

"My hero," she said in a cheesy 80's movie way and pulled me in for a tight-lipped kiss.

"I love you too," she murmured as I pulled away. A very late response to my earlier _I love you_.

She got up and made her way to the bathroom and I cooked up two chicken fetus' for her. Over easy like she likes them and sat with my coffee at the counter. I read a magazine to see what the stars were doing this week and waited for Katherine to leave the bathroom so I could freshen up as well.

Once she was out, her eggs were cold and she was late so she took the plate and a buttload of napkins to-go. "Enjoy making stars beautiful."

Katherine was an actress, an actress who happens to have a nack for make-up. She's been doing it since high school, and in college she turned into the 'it' girl outside of Hollywood. There were too many movies to count that were filmed in LA, but there were also a bunch filmed elsewhere. She was the 'it' non-Hollywood girl. Her dream is to make it to LA and then show off her true talents there.

The problem is, even though she's a great model, she kind of doesn't understand acting the way she thinks she does. Luckily, her make-up has really taken off so I just kind of hope that she'll never have to face the cold hard truth.

I made my way to the shower and turned it on, immediately thinking of the day before. The most intense masturbation that I'd ever had. My toes were tingling just thinking about it. I ripped off my clothes and laid on the cold floor and let the feeling overwhelm me again.

But this time I started with Stefan. Stefan inside me. Stefan coming inside me. Stefan licking his come from me. I let my eyes open so prove to myself he wasn't there. I continued to work on myself, this time I let Katherine enter. Instead of the other way around. I could already feel myself wanting to come for Stefan so I worked myself for Katherine. I ignored Stefan's voice in my ear. I ignored Stefan writhing on top of me. I pictured Katherine.

It was no use. I'd gone too far. Katherine disappeared once again and it was Stefan who was making me let loose.

I stood up. Ashamed. I stood up and jumped in the shower and let it wash away my guilt.

 _What is wrong with me?_

My phone rang while I was making dinner and I answered it without looking at caller ID. I knew it was my Mom, telling me my flight plan and asking if I was sure Katherine was coming.

"Caroline?" My eyes widened and I looked at my phone. It was Stefan.

"Stefan?" I said, my southern accent slowly coming back. "What are you calling me for?"

He laughed his hearty, deep in his gut, laugh. "You called first silly," he reminded me. "How's Katherine?"

"Fine."

"How are you?"

"Great," I was so nervous I couldn't form complete sentences. "I-, uh-"

"Everything okay, Care?"

"I'm-, I'm fine. Just really didn't expect-"

"I didn't expect to hear for you either, Care. But my Mom said you called sounding all weird and-"

I looked around the corner of the kitchen to see Katherine yawning over her cup of tea. Chai and Sleepy time. Her made-up nightcap. "I really am good," I almost whispered. "Hey, can you call me- like- tomorrow?"

"Oh..."

"During the day. I'm kind of about to go my yoga class and-"

"Talk to you tomorrow," he said it like it was a promise. "Bye Caroline Bell."

You should know that my name is not Caroline Bell. It's Elizabeth Caroline Forbes. I hated my name as a kid so I told everyone it was Caroline Bell. Well, first I told them it was Ariel Mermaid and then once I realized that people weren't as dumb as I thought they were, I changed it to Caroline Bell.

Also, I must mention that Stefan does know my last name, and that my middle name is Bell. He just says it. Like, always. Always has. Always will.

I turned off the phone and felt a wave of confusion wash over me. I rubbed my lips together and threw my phone in my yoga bag, ready to head to my class.

Katherine raised her eyebrow at me. "Who was that?"

"My sister," I lied through my teeth.

"Tell her when she calls you back tomorrow that I need some more fabric for that project we're working on."

"For my parents?" I asked, my head still wrapped up in Stefan. She nodded. I sighed. Now I have to call my sister. "K."

"Stefan," I answered the phone, breathless from running to get to it before it went to voicemail.

"Did I catch you in the middle of something?"

"No, no. I just..." I took a breath. "...getting out of the shower."

Stefan knew all too well what showering meant for me. It was my time to release. He knew that because I used to do it for him. I used to call him in to watch me. He'd describe details and ideas and scenarios and I'd work out everything in front of him.

God, we were kinky.

Ironically, a lot of those scenarios included Katherine. Sometimes Katherine, sometimes Elena, sometimes the barista we'd seen earlier that day. We loved talking threesomes. I used to fuck him and describe Katherine's pussy in detail as we did.

I would never tell her that.

I would also never tell her about my little shower sanctuary. She'd take it personally. It's not her fault I'm so sexually driven. It's not her fault that sometimes I just need to do it for me. Stefan understood that about me. Katherine would take it offensively.

"No wonder you're out of breath," he said with a chuckle.

I laughed. "Shut up," I said. "I had to run to the phone."

"And... how big is your apartment?" he said, his voice still teasing. "Listen, I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with Katherine..."

"It's fine, she didn't care..." I lied.

I could hear him chuckle. "That's because you lied and said I was your sister."

"How'd you know?"

I could hear him smirk. "You used to get a lot of calls from your sister," he said softly.

I paused and tried not to think too deeply into it. Changing the subject was the best plan. "How's Elena?"

"She's alright," he said quickly. "Busy with work."

"There's no rest for the wedding planners," I said with a laugh. "That's the phrase, right?"

"She gets a little more rest than yoga instructors," he said. "Still working night and day?"

I groaned and wrapped the towel tightly around me and sat on the couch. "I wish," I said. "California does not have a lack of yoga instructors, and I'm pretty green in comparison to everyone here. So, I'm usually just a fill in."

"Is that killing you?" he asked. He knew how driven I was. How driven I am.

"It is," I admitted. "I've written a couple freelance articles here and there. But, I'm not really that _busy._ "

"Katherine busy?"

"This week, yeah."

"My law firm is meeting with a company out there, a green drink hippy company," he told me and his voice started to slow. "Maybe we could... meet up?"

My breathing hitched. "You think Elena would be okay with that?"

He took a moment to answer. "Honestly? No."

I nodded and crossed my legs, hearing his voice again was driving me crazy. "Stefan..."

"They don't need to know," he offered, his voice was hushed and serious.

I gulped.

"Sorry, that was... inappropriate."

"I do really want to see you," I rushed out the answer. "But, I don't know how to make it work if they knew. I just... I feel bad lying."

"Don't lie," he said. "We'll meet while she's out of the house," he offered. "No lying."

"Okay," I muttered. "Hey, Stefan?"

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I asked, my voice soft and needy and borderline whiney.

"I am mad at you." His voice was husky and gruff and his tone was frank. "I am mad at you every day."

"You are?"

"Yes," he said earnestly. "I miss you every day." I gulped. "I dream about you." My throat felt like it was going to close. "And, I hate that I don't get to see you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and a tear fell down my cheek.

"You didn't just leave me, Caroline. You left the whole town."

"I know," I murmured, the crying was apparent in my voice. "Why do you want to see me?"

"Even though I'm mad at you, doesn't mean I stopped lo-" he stopped aburptly. "Those feelings I had for you don't disappear just because I'm angry."

I chewed on my lip. "I'm a horrible person."

"Caroline," he said, a laugh in his voice.

"What?" I said. "I am. I'm terrible."

The smile in his voice came back, the seriousness fell away. "You are. Caroline... You are a horrible person, okay? You are… you are thoughtless, you're shallow, you're completely undependable…"

I laughed as he said it. "Hey! I am vunerable here. Don't be mean."

He laughed on the other end. That's something he never had with Elena. He never laughed with anyone. Anyone but me.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly.

And then, the conversation was over and we were done talking. We just hung up, like we always had. No goodbyes. I guess Stefan really wasn't one for goodbyes either.

* * *

 **don't forget to review.**


	7. Chapter Six - Between you and me

**A/N: Thank you so much for the support. I'm in awe and overwhelmed by the amount of love I've gotten this week. Lucie and Elisa. You are living breathing angels.**

 **Also, Lucie, yep. You nailed it. They are different time lines. The even chapters are the Caroline and Stefan got married timeline. And the odd chapters are the ones where she left with Katherine. We're going to be going back to flashbacks in the next couple chapters. But, I wasn't able to fit one in here because this chapter was super emotional for me to write.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

It feels like there's oceans between you and me  
once again

I woke up in a panic, the realization of the night before hitting me as I came into consciousness. I heard the shower and turned to the space in the bed where Stefan usually lay. He wasn't there. Probably washing off the sweat from the night before. I didn't really blame him. I turned to the other side and saw that Katherine was sleeping like a baby. I squinted at her for a moment, utterly confused on her presence in my bed. Would Stefan had allowed that?

It was all still really foggy, but the general timeline was very clear. Shower. Weed. Kissing. Sex.

So. Much. Sex.

I moved away from Katherine slowly, her fingers still in the waistband of my underwear. As they moved, the stirred, then turned, readjusted and fell back into a light sleep.

I tiptoed from the room and shut my bedroom door behind me. As I snuck out of my own bedroom, I ran into my very wet husband. "Oh my god," I almost yelled and he grabbed me by the arms to steady me, making sure I didn't fall. I partially laughed, trying to steady my heart and looked up at him expectantly.

"Did I wake you?" he asked softly.

"No," I said. "Bad dream."

He put his hand on my head. "How do you feel?" Almost every time I drank, I got hungover, but I was surprisingly feeling amazing. Well, my body was. My mind and emotions felt like a mess.

"Weird," I told him honestly. I shifted from foot to foot pulling on my ( _his_ ) shirt. He rubbed my cheek and looked past me. I looked behind me to see Katherine. I swore silently to myself. I wanted a little more time with just me and Stefan. To really talk. "Hey," I said.

She smiled and wiped the sleep from her eyes. She pointed at the bathroom. "Dibs!" she said and moved past us, kissing my cheek as she did. My stomach dropped and my eyes found Stefan's. His face was hot with jealousy suddenly and he walked past me into the bedroom.

Stefan's jealousy of Katherine had always been there, but he started this thing last night. Why was he suddenly jealous?

I waited for Katherine to shut the bathroom door and I followed my husband into our room. "Should we talk?"

"'Bout what?" he asked while he scanned his dresser, looking for a shirt.

"About last night," I said obviously. He turned to me and tilted his head. "About everything that happened?"

"It was a one night thing," he said, and there was something to it. Like it was a warning, instead of a promise.

I put my hands up. "That is _fine_ by me." I breathed out and sat on the bed. He tossed me a pair of pants and I put them on while he got dressed. Once he was mostly dressed, he ran some product through his hair and I got impatient. "You gonna talk or what?"

Stefan turned to me and shook his head. "What?"

I stood. "You know me better than this," I said. "You know me better than to think that it'll just be fine and we'll just never speak of it again."

Stefan moved to me and grabbed a piece of my hair, he twirled it in his fingers, buying time. "Caroline," his voice was barely above a whisper. "We were both high."

"Okay?" I said. "That's fine. I just want to talk about it."

"Why do you think she's here?" Stefan asked. "Why do you think she picked _our_ house? Less than a month after our wedding. She's trying to drive a wedge in between us." He looked at my feet and chewed on his lip. "I know the connection you have with her and I _know_ how physical it was and I just thought, maybe if I was there... you'd get it out of your system. You know?" He paused, met my eyeline and smirked. "And it was pretty hot."

I laughed despite myself. "I hate you," I teased and put my arm on his chest. "I don't need to be with Katherine. I don't need to be with anyone but you."

He nodded. "I was just nervous, you know, since..."

I tilted my head. "What?"

"Damon saw it, Caroline..."

"Saw what?"

Stefan cleared his throat and broke contact with me, turning away, pretending to look for a belt in the closet. "The kiss."

The realization washed over me like a wave. He did that for me. He really did think it would help. He thought he was doing _me_ a favor.

"If it makes you feel any better, it was a shotgun... I was blowing smoke into her mouth."

Stefan guffawed and looked at me incredulously. "Yeah, okay..."

"I'm serious," I said. "I was blowing smoke into her mouth."

Stefan found a belt and slipped it through his belt loops, and looked at me with a tilted head. "Okay, so... how is that different? You felt the need to touch your lips to hers."

I looked up, thinking, he was right. And, I wasn't saying it, but it did end in a kiss. Although not an intense make-out session. My lips were pursed. I did plan to kiss her. It wasn't completely innocent. "You're right," I said simply. "But, I wish you'd talk to me about it."

Stefan moved to me, his eyes soft. "I'm not an idiot, Caroline," he said. "I know that what we have is real and important, but I know I wasn't your only option." He gulped. "I know you were close. Close to leaving me."

I scoffed. "As if. In what would would I ever _ever_ leave you?"

He ran his hands over his face in exasperation. He sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. "I don't know how to explain it, Caroline." His voice was so soft, so vulnerable. "I could _feel_ you slipping away. I could just _feel_ it." He started to tear up and I sat next to him, put my hand on his shoulder and he coughed a little, trying to cover the crack in his voice. "I thought you were going to leave me. And I didn't know if it was because of her, or with her, or if you just wanted out, but for a while there, it was like I was laying next to a corpse."

I opened my mouth to respond, but couldn't. I wanted to be offended, but he was opening up to me in such a visceral way, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. When he looked at me, his eyes were red and wet with tears. "I love you so much, Caroline. You're... you're _it_ for me. And, losing you would have killed me."

I rubbed my lips together to stop the crack in my throat to become vocal. A stray tear fell down my face. "When Katherine showed up at our wedding, you'd come back to me for a while, but I still had that fear that maybe you'd wise up and really leave me. Then, she was here again, and I thought I would just let you... _experience her_ again. With me." He blew out some air. "Because I want you no matter what. I want you with me, even if it means I have to occasionally be with her."

I licked my lips and put my hand on his cheek. The memories were coming back to me in waves, the memory of becoming the corpse he was describing. "I did check out, didn't I?" I murmured. He nodded. "And, I was spending a lot of time with her, too." He nodded again, he put his hand on top of mine and pulled our hands to his mouth and kissed the palm of my hand. "And then I came back," I whispered. "I remember now, and I guess part of me just had hoped you hadn't noticed."

"What was happening?" he asked frankly. "I wanted so badly to ask, but I was too scared of the answer."

I gulped and brought my lips to his. I kissed him harshly and pushed him back on the bed. It was a distraction technique. Because I had remembered what had happened. I did remember the corpse I'd become. And I was leaving him, not like I was planning on it, but I was going down a path that could have led to _her_ instead of him. But, I didn't want to talk about that.

I pulled off his shirt and he unbuttoned his pants and within moments, he was inside me and I was writhing on top of him. I pulled at his skin and his thumb grazed over my nipple and we rode together in perfect unison as we had so many times. Thousands of times. He rolled me over, and put his hands in my hair and then buried his face in my neck, kissing and sucking and I moaned loudly as he did. His lips found my nipple and I screamed at the sensation of his hot tongue on my cool skin.

I moaned and he growled into me.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him again, my tongue really tasting him and his hands explored my whole body as we kissed.

This was something I'd never had with Katherine. I never made love to her. We fucked, sure, all the time. But, we never made love. Not once. He thrust into me and I wrapped my arms around him and put my head next to his and let him kiss my neck once again. Once my eyes were focused on something that wasn't Stefan, I saw her.

Katherine was standing in the doorway, a smirk on her face. She gave me the universal signal for _be quiet_ and whispered "shh" and licked her lips. I opened my mouth to say something, to stop Stefan, but she just winked at me, reached her hand down her ridiculously skinny jeans and touched herself.

Seeing the action turned something even deeper inside me on and I moaned so loud it made Stefan thrust deeper into me. He sucked on my neck harder and Katherine pulled down her tank top to show me her extremely perky nipple.

She was touching herself with one finger, and flicking her nipple with the other and it only took seconds (not minutes) for me to begin to come. As I started to moan the telltale moan of a Caroline orgasm, Katherine smirked, took her hand out of her pants and walked out of the room.

Stefan and I finished alone and I realized as he shuddered above me that we had just had our _second_ threesome, only Stefan wasn't even slightly aware of this one.


	8. Chapter Seven - and my heartbeat stops

**Chapter Seven**

 _One glance and the avalanche drops_  
 _One look and my heartbeat stops_

I walked into the kitchen and softly kissed Katherine's cheek before passing her to grab a bottle of water.

Katherine tilted her head at me. "You look nice," she said, like an accusation.

I blushed and turned her head, she ran her fingers through my curls automatically and coughed a little. "Thank you."

"Why do you look so nice?" Katherine said, her voice almost annoyed. I was worried about that. "I thought you just had a yoga class?"

I shook my head. "Actually, I don't have a class," I said. "I have an interview to hold a permanent spot at a studio uptown."

This, of course, was not the truth. I did have a phone interview scheduled for the next day, however _today_ I was going to meet Stefan. I didn't think I'd be seeing Katherine before leaving. She'd been working every day for the last week, but for some reason today of _all days_ she had the morning off.

Katherine gave me a wide proud smile. "Baby!" she said with excitement, turning from the stove. She was cooking bacon and the smell had filled the apartment. It was seeping into both of our clothes. I could smell it on Katherine as she opened her arms to hug me.

"Good job, _baby!_ " she said beaming. "And," she kissed me quickly on the lips. "A kiss for good luck."

I giggled against her lips. "Thank you!"

"Why didn't you tell me last night?" Katherine asked, head tilted as she turned her attention back to the stove.

I hugged Katherine from behind, kissed Katherine's neck and whispered against her, "my mouth was a little busy."

Katherine chuckled. "Oh yes it was. What came over you yesterday?"

I shrugged and moved away from her. She sniffed her clothes and scrunched up her nose. "I'm going to change before I head out."

As I walked into our bedroom, I heard Katherine yell behind me. "Wear the pencil skirt. It makes your ass look incredible."

I laughed, rolled my eyes and pulled off my shirt as she pushed through the clothes in the closet. I saw a blue tank top with a lacy back and knew Stefan would love it. I pulled it on instantly and smirked to myself.

As I inspected myself in the mirror, I saw the devilish grin that had overtaken my face and I suddenly went sullen. I am such a horrible person.

* * *

I walked out of the house and pulled on my heels as I walked. I felt frantic, rushed. I haven't seen him in so long, and today we be face to face. it didn't help that I was lying to Katherine and he was lying to Elena.

But, something about the fact that I was seeing him again, a month sooner than expected, had me feeling antsy. My fingers were tingling, my top lip was sweating, I was noticeably nervous. Which, Katherine chalked up to my _interview._ God, I felt sick to my stomach. I got in my car, turned on the radio and started down the road.

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol started to play and a lump in my throat formed and I thought of our last day together. Our last day of being _Stefan and Caroline._

* * *

I had just left Katherine's house. Her place was in boxes, she had asked me to move across the country with her. She said it so bluntly, so intently. As if she did not expect anything but a yes. The way she asked it almost made me say yes then and there.

But, instead I said I needed to think about it.

As soon as I left, I texted her that I couldn't do that to Stefan and now I was staring at my phone as her face popped up over and over again.

She was calling and as soon as it went to voicemail, she'd call again. Finally, I answered.

"Katherine," my voice broke as I answered the phone. "I can't do this with you," I stated, trying to be strong.

"You're so scared of doing what you want that you couldn't even tell me _no_ to my face," she said, her voice dripping with poison.

"You hate being wrong," I started and she interrupted me.

"No," she said, her voice nasty. Cruel. "Don't make this about me. Make this about you. If _you_ want to be with me. Be with me. Don't let Stefan and yourself get in the way."

I paused, two phrases running through my mind. Goodbye, Katherine was so prominent in those thoughts. The angel on my shoulder was pushing me toward those words. Just end it! But, the little devil who had a Katherine tattoo and a taste for her lips took over. "I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered, despite my better judgement.

I drove to my house, Stefan's house, the house we were supposed to share together, and when I walked in the door, my face full of fear and guilt, he looked past the guilt and the fear. He took my in his arms, and I let him. He kissed me hard, and I let him.

We made love in the doorway, and Stefan laughed as he fell off of me and I cried because it was the last time we'd be together. I knew that, but he didn't.

"What do you want for dinner tonight?" he asked as he stood, helping my up in the process.

"Let's order in," I offered and kissed his cheek. "Chinese?"

He gave me his award-winning grin and kissed me again, like he'd done a million times. "You read my mind."

I watched him as he scampered to the bathroom to take a shower, and as he showered I packed some of my things. The bare minimum, I'd come back for the rest. I put the bag by the couch and walked into the bathroom, joining him in the shower and let him have me again.

That night, I let him have me so many times I lost track. The next morning, he woke up to an empty bed. When he looked for me, he found me sitting at the table dressed in my road trip outfit.

"Where are we going?" he asked, kissing me on the cheek. I avoided the kiss and swallowed the lump that had occurred in my throat.

"I'm going with Katherine. She asked that I drive with her to LA and I decided that I'm going to."

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know that I'm coming back," I whispered softly. "I don't think I can come back."

Stefan's eyes got cloudy, his jaw dropped and he sat in the chair with a flop. "What's going on?"

I began to cry. "I can't do this, Stefan. I can't be your perfect housewife and I can't be your fiancee and I can't pretend like you and I are the perfect fit when every piece of me keeps wondering _how long_ will we really last. That's not how you go into a marriage, Stef. You go into a marriage knowing _this is it_ and..."

"...it's not _it_ for you, is it?" he said, a stray tear falling down his face. He was looking at the ground. "I could feel you moving away. As soon as I gave you that ring, I could feel it. And, when Katherine came back..."

"It's not about Katherine," I said it like a promise. "Yes. There is a part of me that will always love her, but that's not with _this_ is about."

"Then what is it about?"

I rubbed my lips together, a sharp sob ripped through me and I had to clutch my chest to contain myself. "I love you, Stefan," I said. "So much," another sob ripped through me. "But, there are parts of me that you don't understand. There are parts of me that I can't be because of you."

"And you can be your _full_ self with Katherine?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't know. Maybe." I cleared my throat. "I can't marry you. I can't marry anyone who I can't be _Caroline_ with and I'm not Caroline right now."

His hand touched my face. "You're doing this," he said so softly I could barely hear it. "You're putting this on me. You're saying you can't be yourself, but you didn't even try."

I tilted my head and he stood up. "I would love you no matter what, I promise."

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion and frustration. He walked away, into his room and closed the door. That was my signal, my signal to leave. I swallowed, looked around the house and left. Knowing I'd never be back.

* * *

When I pulled up to the hotel Stefan was staying at, my stomach felt like it was turning on me. It was doing backflips with no regard for my own sanity.

I walked into the lobby and the first thing I saw was him. Standing there, leaning on the bar in the back corner. His face was stern, his eyes focused on the scotch in front of him. His hand up to his ear. He was on the phone. His mouth moved fiercely and with purpose. He was talking to someone. Maybe his boss. Maybe Elena. He hadn't spotted me yet. So, I took my time strolling over to him. I waited for him to look up.

He took another swig and then his eyes met mine. I smiled, he gave me a quick wave and patted the seat next to him. I moved to him and sat next to where he stood. He put up one finger, telling me to wait and he listened to the person on the other line.

"No, I'm sorry, but that's not going to work for us," he said, sternly. "We're not comfortable with those terms." _Such a lawyer._ "And for the record, we have the evidence you tried hiding from us. We're not as dumb as you think." He scoffed, a little laugh came out of his mouth and then he smiled. "Yeah, you do that."

Then the call was over and he was looking at me.

"Caroline," he said and my heart melted and I was looking at him. It was Stefan. The one that got away. Or, more appropriately, the one I chased away with a gun.

"Stefan," my voice was all air, nothing substantial to hold onto.

He laughed a soft laugh and gave me a hug, I leaned into him and when we parted I pushed the hair from my face. We just look at each other for a moment, and he swallows and looks away. He takes a final swig from his glass and puts two fingers up to the bartender, ordering two more.

I look at the clock above the bar, it's not quite noon. "Where do you want to go to lunch?" I ask, and Stefan's phone buzzes again. I did not miss this.

The bartender, a tall brown skinned actor looking fellow hands us our drinks and I nod my head, and take a sip.

"I don't care, what's around here?"

I laugh. He can be so... Stefan. "I'm not from here," I tell him. "I mean, I don't live anywhere close to here. I don't know the area enough," I tell him, tilting my head. "My stomping grounds are about a quarter mile each way of where I live. An hour away."

Stefan nodded and typed quickly into his phone. "Sorry. Work."

I run my tongue over my teeth tasting the bourbon, and take another sip. I pull out my phone and google. "Uhhh," I say softly. "There's a thai place down the street. Or a burger joint not too far..." I scrunch up my nose. "Or, oh! There's a hookah lounge that has tapas."

"Whattas?"

I laugh. "Tapas. Small plates. Appetizers," I explain with a smile. "Sorry, it's not Big Dave's BBQ, or Mystic Grille."

Stefan beams and me and drains his drink. "Okay. Let's go eat appetizers as an appetizers, I'll get you drunk and then we can go eat meat."

I giggle and roll my eyes. "I'm not eating meat for you."

He gives me a pouty face and I giggle. "Stefan Salvatore, I will not become a meat eater because you get me drunk."

He pretends to ponder. "A cheese eater?"

I tilt my head. "More negotiable."

"I say tapas, then pizza."

I laugh. "How long do you think this lunch is going to be?" I ask, and he clinks his glass to mine and we both drain in.

"I'm free until tomorrow morning," he said with a devilish grin. I raise my eyebrows.

"I thought you were in town for one day..." I said.

He chewed on the inside of his lip and shrugged. "So?"

"And don't you have work?"

He nodded. "I came in a day early, is that so horrible?"

My cheeks flushed and a grin consumed my face. "For me?"

Stefan nudged me a little and pointed toward the lobby entrance. "Can we walk and talk?"

I nod begin to walk. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I don't know what it is, but you've really been on my mind."

I tilt my head and he gives me a smile. "I thought a catching up session would help. Both of us, hopefully."

I nod and look at my feet as I walk. "I hope so, too."

He tells the doorman we need a cab and we stand in the summer sun. He slips out a pair of sunglasses out of his pants pocket and I dig mine out of my purse. "Where are you supposed to be today?" he asks and I squint my eyes. "Where does Katherine think you are?" he clarifies.

"Interview," I say.

He nods softly. "You?" I ask.

"I have a meeting with a potential client," he says and crosses his arms.

"I think more booze is in order," I say nervously as the cab pulls up and Stefan opens the door and nods religiously.

"Yes, yes it is."

* * *

The restaurant was cute and Stefan just _fit_ there. His suit and tie, the way he rolled up his sleeves, the way his ordered a _bottle for the table._ Maybe he should have moved here, instead of me.

I rubbed my lips together and looked through the vegan options. When it was time to order, Stefan and I both ordered three plates each. We talked about silly things at first. We talked about Damon and how he was fawning over Bonnie.

We talked about the Lockwood Family and all of their parties. We talked about his parents and how his mom constantly asks about me.

We laughed about old times and we avoided talking about ourselves for as long as humanly possible. I even asked about his cases. I never do that.

"What made you think about me?" he finally asked after his third glass of wine as we popped the second bottle.

"Honestly?" I asked, chewing on my lip. "I think about you a lot in general. I wonder what you'd think about a show or a book I'm reading or what you think about the presidential election." Stefan laughed. "But, what made me think about you so much I couldn't stop thinking about you was this weird psychic."

He leaned in, officially intrigued. "What did she have to say?"

"She said I had two timelines, two separate stories and that I made one choice that changed my life line so dramatically that there's two." He laughed at me. He full on laughed. "Shut up!"

He smirked. "First of all, literally anyone could say that to anyone. We make choices every day that change the course of our life," he said. "That's what making choices is."

I rubbed my lips together and nodded. "I know," I murmured and shrug. "It just got me thinking about you and I and what we had and what I-" I stopped suddenly and leaned back. "I drank too much."

Stefan shook his head. "Keep going," he prodded. "Go for it."

I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. "I know I fucked up, Stefan. And I didn't do it because I didn't love you. I was just... I was scared. And, the what ifs..." I swallowed and look and my empty plate. "The what ifs kill me. And if they kill me? What do they do to you?"

I finally met his eyeline, his eyes were glistening with unshed tears and he blinked one away quickly and took another sip of his wine before clearing his throat and looking at me. "I try not to think about it. The what ifs isn't a game for me, Caroline."

"What do you mean?"

His fingers tapped the glass as he thought of his words carefully. "Because it wasn't my choice. I can't narrow it down to one moment, one choice. I can just mull over every single little thing I ever did and wonder if I had been more supportive, sweeter, better... maybe you wouldn't have left." He cleared his throat, trying not to cry.

I put my hands on either side of his face, tears flowing down my face and shook my head. "No," I murmured. "It wasn't you," I say it like a promise. "It was me. It was my insecurities, my idiotic indecision and fear. You were... perfect."

"Obviously not," he said. "You still left."

And then, I kissed him. Because I couldn't watch the pain on his face anymore. I couldn't see him cry. I couldn't not kiss him. My lips attacked his and for a moment, his stayed in place, stunned, and then, he kissed back.

And then, we were kissing.

And then, we were hailing a cab.

And then, we were in his hotel room.


	9. Chapter Eight - trying to pretend

**Chapter Eight**

 _We hide our emotions  
Under the surface and trying to pretend_

I woke up, gasping. My heart pounding, my brain churning, hot sweat dripping from my face. I breathed out a shaky breath and looked over to see Stefan still sleeping. I took a deep breath in and breathed it out. I could hear clanking in the kitchen. Katherine.

I closed my eyes. Hard. I was trying to remember the dream I had just had. Living in California with Katherine. Meeting Stefan for drinks and it turning into more. I released another breath and swallowed hard. I let my feet hit the floor and noticed how dry my mouth was. I stepped out of the room slowly. Scampering toward the doorway and quickly leaving the room. I tiptoed to the kitchen and saw Katherine.

She was standing in front of the fridge, obviously high, dancing to music she was listening to in her headphones. I'd been avoiding her since _that_ night. I swallowed and walked past her, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it in the sink next to her. I drank the entire glass where I stood before filling it again. When I turned, Katherine was taking out one of her headphones and finishing up a text message. As soon as she finished, she put the phone in her back pocket and beamed up at me.

"What are you doing up?" she asked, surprised. She was also buzzed and had a smirk on her face. Her feet were still dancing, and she was holding a stick of cheese in her hand, chewing on it while she talked.

"Shh!" I said and pointed to the hallway indicating that Stefan was still sleeping. I sighed. "Nightmare. Or, bad dream?" I whispered. "It wasn't even bad, just weird."

Katherine smirked and twirled her hair with her free hand. "About me?"

"No," I said too quickly. Then I walked to the fridge. There was a box of old pizza and a pan of cheesecake. I took out the pan and set it on the counter. I turned to grab a fork and when I turned back, Katherine was already consuming it with her bare hands. I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Munchies?" I asked and poked her.

Katherine beamed and pushed her butt up in the air as if to taunt me. "I'm lucky it just goes all to my ass."

I rolled my eyes and walked to the other side of the counter. We sat in silence for a moment. Katherine shoveling cheesecake in her mouth with her hand, me picking at it with a fork and leaving the crust for Stefan.

"Want to tell me about that dream?"

"Not particularly," I said, the fork still in my mouth. "You want to tell me what you're really doing here?"

Katherine smiled, there was something in her eye. "I think I'm just buzzed enough to tell you."

I tilted my head, raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Go on."

Katherine knew she had me and she laughed. "You're not ready. So, I'll tell you half."

I tilted my head again and laughed. "Okay?"

"I'm here for you."

My smile faded instantly as I tried to read her. I gulped a big gulp and looked to the hallway. Like clockwork, a tired Stefan walked into the kitchen. One eye open, one eye shut. He was squinting, taking in the view. "What are you doing?"

Katherine dipped her finger in the cheese cake and pushed it in Stefan's face. "You want?"

Stefan grimaced.

"He hates cheesecake," I said and put some crust on a fork and handed it his way. He took a seat next to me and took a bite of the cake. "Did we wake you?" I asked, running my hand through his hair.

"No," he said. "I got a call a minute ago."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Work?"

Katherine's eyes met his, she smirked like she knew a secret and I shot her a look that was missed by both of them.

"It was actually..." he took another bit of crust before he finished his sentence. I nudged him.

"Rude!" I said, laughing. "Don't eat at talk."

"Unless you're eating pussy," Katherine said. "I know _some_ girls that love for you to talk while you eat them out."

Usually when Katherine said something like that, it was directed at Stefan. A kind of "I know her just as well" tale. But, this time, she was telling me. I lifted my eyebrows at her, confused and frustrated. I shook my head, actively ignoring her.

"Anyway," I said, annoyance filling me. "Who called you at..." I looked at the clock and scoffed "1:06 a.m."

I noticed Katherine's grin again and shrugged it off as how high she was. Or, possibly the fact that she had just told me she was _here for me._ Katherine was a hot mess.

My attention focused on Stefan, his eyes drilled into Katherine. He _had to_ have heard her. "It was my mom," he said, his face stone.

That shocked me, but didn't seem to shock him. "Is everything okay?"

Stefan partially laughed. "Oh yeah," he said, looking at me with a soft smile. "She's being Lily. She thought that Damon had run off again and she hod gotten all worked up because she hadn't heard from him in a day. I promised her I'd seen him last night."

I rolled my eyes. "Her sweet boy," I said in a mocking voice.

Katherine laughed a big laugh. "Lily wouldn't find him so sweet if she knew the words he'd said to me last night."

"What'd he say?" I asked, suddenly excitable. I _loved_ Damon gossip.

"What'd he do?" Stefan followed up, embarrassed.

Katherine giggled and pulled over the collar of her shirt, showing a large hickey. "Just this," she said. Beaming.

My mouth dropped. I'd been trying so hard to keep away from her, I forgot she needed constant supervision.

"Kat!" Stefan barked.

"Whaaat?!" she squealed. "It was innocent fun!"

Stefan shook his head and turned to me. "I'm going to bed," he said.

Katherine grabbed his arm as he walked away and pulled him to her, so close that every time she breathed in, her pert nipples hit his chest. I hadn't noticed before, but she was wearing only a man's white t-shirt and no bra. With the way the light was hitting her, I could see her top half in almost it's entirety. I got wet almost immediately and tried to look away. But, then I noticed what she was doing. She was whispering in his ear, not the one I could see, the other side. I saw her lips moving in a speedy manner and Stefan's face was stone. Irritated. When she pulled away, he looked at me, his jaw was set.

"You okay?" I asked, then looked at Katherine in an accusing face.

Katherine beamed. "I just told him to take a look in my room."

Stefan walked down the hallway and I went to follow him, before I could get to him, she grabbed me, pulling me deeper into the kitchen. She pushed me against the counter and covered my mouth with her hand. She put her finger over her lips and motioned for me to be quite. I nodded and she took her hand off my mouth and she followed Stefan.

They had a hushed conversation in the hallway that I couldn't hear and then, my bedroom door closed. Stefan on the inside of it. I waited for Katherine to come back into the kitchen, but minutes, later, another door shut and I was alone in the kitchen and confused. I sighed and just as I was about to walk back to my bedroom, Damon walked into the kitchen. He was scratching his head and his tired eyes looked me up and down.

"Sorry," he said. "It's all yours."

"What is?" I said.

"Kat said to meet you in the guest room," he said with a yawn and opened the fridge. "Don't you have anything to eat?"

I handed him a clean fork and pointed to the cheesecake pan. He grinned. "Excellent."

At first, I didn't know what she wanted. It wasn't clear. But, soon after I got into the room, she handed me a packed bowl and promised me that Stefan said it was okay.

That is how I went for years without smoking, to getting high twice in one week.

* * *

 **a/n: I kind of rushed through this one because I'm antsy to get you chapter nine. Please review. Sorry it took me so long to post. I love you all so much!**


	10. Chapter Nine - last call

**Chapter Nine**

 _Last call and everybody's watching_

 _Her voice rings out like a storm_

* * *

Stefan's hot mouth was on mine, and then moved to my neck. The alcohol was making everything hazy, but I was very aware of what I was doing. As my tongue pushed into his mouth, I knew I was cheating on Katherine. And, as his lips tickled my neck, I knew he was cheating on Elena.

Our lips were everywhere. There was so much moisture and humidity between us, it almost felt like the south. He pulled at my hair as I unbuckled his belt and I bit his lip and he pulled off my underwear.

As he pushed himself inside me, I released a breath I didn't know I'd been holding in. A weight lifted that I didn't know I had. I felt whole again. "I could live inside you," he murmured as he pushed himself deeper.

"Oh god, please do," I moaned in assent. "I forgot how much I love fucking you."

He smirked and he rocked his hips into me and I put one hand through the back of his hair and the other hand on my clit. I rubbed as he thrusted and he watched me do it. "I love that," he moaned. And then we were kissing again. I never wanted my lips to leave his.

He pulled out and we rolled over so I could ride him. He cupped my breasts as I bounced up and down. I moaned and lengthened my neck to look at the ceiling as I felt my body convulse.

"You're going to come," he said, knowing me fully.

"Yes," I said, breathless. "Come with me."

I fell forward onto him and continued to rock my hips. We kissed intensely as he spilled out into me. I let him fill me, and it felt so good. So warm and perfect.

I rolled off of him and cuddled into his shoulder. He kissed my lips, and then my forehead and then my lips again. He couldn't leave them alone. Every time he went to leave, he was coming back to them.

He was hungry for me, and I was the same for him. I let him kiss me until I felt ready again and then I pushed him down.

He ate me out until I came again and then I was so tired I could barely move. He pulled me into him arms, covered us both with the blanket and we fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up just after 5:00. The bed was empty, but still warm. The shower was running. I grabbed the phone from my bag and noticed a couple texts from Katherine.

 _Hey baby, hope the interview went well._

 _How'd it go?_

 _Do you want to go to a movie with Sam and I?_

 _The movie's at 7:00. See you at home after._

I texted back quickly.

 _Hey baby. The interview went really well. I went to sub for a class right after. Have fun at the movie with Sam. I'm going to get dinner with Jess._

Jess was a friend of ours that Katherine despised, so she was always an easy out for me. Whenever Katherine went anywhere I didn't go, I'd magically have a date with Jess. It got me out of a lot.

I lay back down and pulled the covers over my naked body. It was chilly. I chewed on my lip and looked at the air conditioning unit in the corner. It was on full blast. I moved to the unit to turn it off and found one of Stefan's shirt hanging on the chair next to it. I pulled it on and wrapped it around me before walking into the bathroom.

The shower was running and Stefan was fully under the steaming water. He hadn't noticed me yet, so I watched as he let the warm water consume him. "Hey," I said. My voice barely a whisper. He looked up, surprised. I smiled softly. He nodded toward himself and motioned for me to come join him. I let the shirt fall off and got in with him.

We stood in the warm water, completely embraced for a moment. Then we switched spots so I could wet my hair as he shampooed his. As I pulled my hair to the top of my head to let it thoroughly soak, I felt a finger brush the spot behind my ear. I closed my eyes. Hard.

He found it. The secret tattoo I'd gotten for him after leaving him. I wanted to carry him on my body always, like I had done with Katherine.

"What is this?" he whispered.

I turned. His eyes were red, wet with uncried tears.

I ran my fingers over where the tattoo was. "It's the eternity symbol that we always talked about," I said and looked at his hands. Looking for his ring. The one he always used to wear. The one that had the symbol inside it. He wasn't wearing it. I looked on the counter where he'd placed his watch and wallet.

It wasn't actually an eternity symbol. It did have a break. It was an eternity symbol that stopped at the last second, and decided to be an S. When I first saw it, I asked him what it meant. He said it stood for Salvatore, and the inevitability that everything ends. Even something as eternal as family.

We'd always said we'd get tattoo's together. Mine would be the S, his would be a fancy C. And in that, we'd be bonded together, just like we were with the wedding bands. None of it came to fruition.

"Why?" he said, barely audible.

"Because I wanted you with me, always."

He knitted his eyebrows together. He put his hands on either side of my face and his forehead fell toward mine. "Come home," he said it like a plea.

"And then what?" I said, tears suddenly falling down my face.

"We'll pick up where we left off," he promised.

I harsh sob left my throat and I wrapped my arms around his neck and I sobbed into his chest. We would have stayed there until the water went cold, but hotel water never goes cold. I cried loudly, and then it became softer. I felt as he cried with me, but no sound ever escaped his lips. When he parted, my lips found his for a soft kiss. Then our foreheads found each other again too. I breathed out a sigh.

"Come see me tomorrow," he said. "After my meeting."

"I'm with Katherine," I said. My voice was not convincing.

"Come see me tomorrow," he said again. "Please."

I nodded.

We finished our shower and he got out first, covering himself with a large towel. As I got out, he wrapped me in a big fluffy white towel and I laughed as he attempted to dry me off, like I was a kid who'd just ran out of the pool.

I kissed him again. His lips were magnets, and I couldn't stay away. They kept pulling me into them.

We got dressed in silence and afterward, I looked at the clock. It wasn't even 7:00 yet. I had a couple hours before I needed to be home. I looked at my phone. One missed call. One text.

 _See you tonight._

"Hey," I said, and tilted my head. "How about that pizza?"

The smile on his face said it all.

We spent the next hour talking about tv shows we'd been watching, and books we told each other we _needed_ to read.

We laughed and ate pizza and kissed in between bites. It was disgusting and reminded me of high school but it was perfect and I felt like myself.

And that was the problem.

Katherine knew a part of me that Stefan didn't know and Stefan held a part of me that Katherine didn't understand.

I would always be half of myself because I was always picking parts of myself to be. I swallowed the piece of pizza that was in my mouth and fell back into the pillow. I looked at the clock. It was almost 9:00.

"I should go," I said.

"Yeah," he offered with a nod.

"Tomorrow though?" I said.

He nodded. Neither of us had said anything about Katherine or Elena since my little slip in the bathroom earlier.

He walked me to the door and brushed the hair away from my neck to look at my tattoo again. "I could be with you. Always," he said it like a promise. "All you have to do is ask."

Her name played on my lips, not Katherine's. I wanted to say it. What about Elena? What would he tell her? What would he do? Would he do to her what I did to him? And weren't the trying to have a kid. I closed my eyes and looked at the ground. How fucked up is this whole situation? I sighed.

"What about her?"

"Mine or yours?"

I breathed out a soft laugh. "Both," I said in an irritated voice. "But, I was referring to yours."

He put his hand on my face and I leaned into it. He rubbed his thumb over my cheek softly. He shrugged. "She's not you."

* * *

 **a/n: I was so excited to explore this relationship more. Tell me what you think!**


	11. Chapter Ten - once again

**a/n:** this has been half written for a while, and I finally got through this chapter! I have some extra time this weekend. So, maybe you'll get chapter 11, too.

Which storyline do y'all prefer?!

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

 _It feels like there's oceans  
between you and me  
once again_

I woke up slowly. The sunlight from the window streaming in and yelling at me to open my eyes. I squinted at first, then I let my eyes focus.

My head was pounding. Too much weed. My stomach ached. Too much cheesecake. I turned to Stefan and saw nothing but a wall. Had I passed out of the wrong side of the bed.

No. No. The color of the room was different than mine. The comforter around me was a different color. I shot up and looked to my other side.

Katherine.

I checked myself. I was still clothed. Thank god.

Katherine was semi-clothed. Long t-shirt. No bra or underwear. I licked my dry lips and scanned the room for water. Nothing. I scrunched up my nose and began to move from the bed. We must have passed out while we got high. I closed my eyes trying to remember.

Nothing.

I frowned. I tried again.

A flash. Something. A memory.

Stefan's mouth on mine. A room I didn't recognize. Showering with Stefan. Texting Katherine. I shook my head. Was that a dream?

I snuck out of the room and walked directly into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I let the water warm and walked to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. I dumped the water down my throat and saw Damon's feet sticking out from the couch. I tapped him.

"Huh?" he said, sleep still in his eyes.

"Get in bed with Katherine," I told him and he did as he was told.

I walked to my bedroom and took a peek to see if Stefan was still in there, asleep. I crossed my fingers that he was. No such luck.

"Hey," I said softly, walking in. "I must have passed out."

He was staring at the ceiling. He nodded. "It's okay. You getting in the shower?" he asked, getting up, leaning on his arm. Everything about him screamed that he was uncomfortable. But, he was trying so hard to pretend like he was fine.

"Yeah. Want to join?" I asked and poked his bare chest.

He smirked. "I'm okay," he said. "I'll get in after you."

I nodded and chewed on my lip. "What's going on?" I asked, head tilted.

"Nothing, just tired. You know I don't sleep well when you're not here."

I rubbed my lips together nervously. "I'm going to ask her to leave," I said with conviction. "This is fair to you. This has turned our world upside down."

Stefan shook his head. "She's fine. Seriously."

I sighed. "No. I'm going to. I don't want her here. She can stay with-"

Stefan cut me off, his eyes almost nervous. "No," he said. "You can't. I want her here." He smiled and sat up and tucked my hair behind my ear. "I like having her here. For you. It's good for you."

I laughed a little and started to respond and he shook his head. "You're coming alive with her here. I like it." He was lying. I knew it. But...

Why?

I nodded solemnly. "Okay. Okay. She can stay."

Stefan smiled at me softly. "Now go get in the shower," he said and gave me a kiss on the nose.

I walked in the bathroom and another flash occurred to me. Of me, laying on the floor in a bathroom I didn't recognize. The image shocked me and then suddenly, I was wet. I turned and locked the bathroom door and got in the shower and touched myself for the first time in a long time.

I had to put a rag in my mouth to stop the moans from escaping me. I fingered myself until I came. Thinking of Katherine's naked body and thinking of Stefan riding me. And then, I fingered myself again thinking of just Stefan because I'd felt so guilty about the first time.

I needed help.

When I got out of the shower and left the bathroom I went to the bedroom and found my phone and called Bonnie.

Something weird was going on.

I waited outside for Bonnie to get to my house. I didn't want her to see Damon there. I didn't want her to know he was hooking up with Katherine.

Not that Bonnie and Damon were ever really a thing, but the were definitely an almost to each other quite a few times.

She pulled up and I barely waited for the car to stop before getting in. She laughed as I slid into the car. "Whoa there," she laughed.

I put on my sunglasses and shook my head. "Shit has gotten so weird, Bon," I said softly and pointed ahead. "Drive."

Bonnie was taking me a town over to her favorite psychic. I usually rolled my eyes at all the witchy bullshit that Bonnie and her family was into (mostly her moms side), but I needed some sort of direction.

"So, you've been having dreams, then?" Bonnie asked. "And in the dreams you and Katherine are... what? Together? Again? Or is it of the past"

"We're together. But, like, in the future. I moved to LA with her and we're an item."

Bonnie tilted her head and scrunched up her nose. "Why would you have ever done that?" she said with a scoff.

I rubbed my lips together. "Well, she did ask me to go with her. When she left..."

Bonnie's whole body jerked and her head snapped toward me. "WHAT?!"

I bit my lip. "I never told anyone. I told her no and I just... I never told anyone."

Bonnie looked deflated. "...wow."

I sighed. "Anyway... Katherine has been saying things... things about Stefan and Elena. And she's just..." I can't even bring myself to say it. "She's got my head all messed up. I didn't even start having these dreams until she came back to town," I sighed. "And her and Stefan have some bullshit agreement or something going on."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. It's just... a lot of soft conversations."

Bonnie lifted an eyebrow as she pulled into a parking spot outside the psychics shop. "Sounds like usual Katherine bullshit to me." She paused and pursed her lips. "I wonder, though, what could Kat have on him? He's the golden child of this town. What could Katherine have on him?"

I breathed out a shaky breath. "Just off the top," I murmured. "Maybe he's cheating on me with Elena."

Bonnie scoffed. "Yeah right!" she barked.

"Golden Boy meets Golden Girl and has a Golden affair behind town slut and town jocks back."

Bonnie glared at me. "Could you relax for me please? You're way off base. And if you're emotions are too heightened, it's going to affect your reading."

I rolled my eyes and opened the car door. The humidity swelled around me and a mosquito came up to say hello. I swatted it away as I followed Bonnie into the little shop.

I saw the woman who looked up with a grin. "Oh, hello, Bonnie!" she said and reached out to hug her. "And you must be Caroline!" she said and reached to hug me. I laughed into her embrace. "Finally you come and see me!" She spoke in such a big, happy way. Her voice booming through the tiny shop.

I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. "I didn't realize you were waiting on me."

The woman chuckled again. "Well, your life has passed so many crossroads without help from anyone, while your sister here asks me what to do with her leftovers."

Bonnie giggled. "Shut up, Dottie! I'm not that bad."

Dottie raised one sharp eyebrow at her. "Yes, you are!"

Bonnie and I shared a look and Bonnie ushered me in the back room. Dottie sat down on her side of the table and closed her eyes for a moment. "Hmm..." she murmured to herself. "What to do..."

"I don't pick the service?"

Dottie shook her head and held up one finger, motioning for me to stay silent. I looked at Bonnie, who just grinned back at me.

"I sense conflict... and..." she paused. "Let me explain how we do things here," she stated. "I ask your spirit guides to tell me what's going on and they communicate with me in pictures. If we do not get enough answers from that, we can move into tarro cards or palm reading." Dottie looked into the distance. "Palm?" Dottie asked aloud. My eyebrows knitted together. "Okay." She looked back to Caroline. "Palm reading first. The spirit guides have instructed me."

This is fucking weird, I thought as I held out my hand to Dottie. Her eyes opened wide instantly. "Ah! There it is," she said. "You've been having visions? Or dreams, maybe? Something feels off?"

I nodded slowly. Dottie pointed to two distinct lines on my palm. "Your timeline split!"

I watched her trace the two paralleling lines. She smiled. "You made a choice that split your timeline and now your spirit guides are allowing you access into the other."

Bonnie laughed loudly. "No. Way."

"If she doesn't believe it, I sure as hell don't!" I barked. Dottie just smiled. "What?!"

"You don't need to believe what I'm saying because you know it to be true. The other timeline, it cannot be tamed. It is forcing it's way into your conscious." The words held so true. Too true. Dottie beamed.

"There was a choice. To stay or to go," she murmured. "You stayed." I nodded. "The other you, she left."

"The other me is a mess. She doesn't know what she wants. She committed to Katherine, but she's sleeping with Stefan."

"Ah!" Dottie chuckled. "You have a lot in common with this other you."

Bonnie tilted her head at me and I looked away.

"The one consistency is apparent and true for both of you," Dottie said, tracing the line again and again. "Hesitation."

I let out a shaky breath. "Neither of you know who to be with. Both of you feel uneasy choosing one or the other." Dottie squinted her eyes at the empty space next to Caroline's head. "Neither of you are your true self. Or at least, it feels that way..." she sighed, then her eyes opened wider. "There's something else at work. Something nefarious at play."

I gulped.

Dottie gasped and dropped my hand. "Bonnie," she asked. "Do you know anyone who would... curse your sister?"

A laugh escaped my lips and Dottie and Bonnie shot me a glare.

"I don't think so."

"Bonnie, someone has opened up this connection with her alternate self," Dottie said softly. "It wasn't her."

"Could it be her alternate self?" Bonnie asked. "Maybe she opened it?"

Dottie shook her head. "She couldn't open it this wide unknowingly." Dottie looked back at me. "You need to stay alert," she told me. "No drugs, or drinking. Nothing out of the ordinary. I might even stay away from sex while we figure this out."

I wanted to roll my eyes and walk out of the room, but the seriousness in her town and the way she was looking at me so intently stopped me.

"Okay," I murmured. "Okay..."

When I walked in the door, I could smell the tequila from the door. I walked passed the kitchen and saw Katherine, Damon, Alaric, Jenna, Matt, Vicki, and Mason all drinking from shot glasses I'd never seen before.

"I didn't realize I was hosting a party," I said in a snarky tone.

Mason walked to me and gave me a sloppy hug. "Oh, stop!" he said with a laugh. "We're just pre-gaming before the bar."

"Sounds fun!" I said and nodded. "I'll leave you to it."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Come on! Join us."

I shook my head and looked at Damon. "Where's your broody brother?"

Damon shrugged and I rolled my eyes and walked toward our bedroom. I walked in and scanned the room quickly for him. When I didn't see him, my eyes knitted together and I flipped my shoes off. I sat on the bed and dialed his number.

Two rings. Voicemail. "This is Stefan, leave me a message."

"Hey, it's me. Um, just looking for you. Our house has turned into a kegger, I guess. And... I miss you." I sighed. "Call me and tell me when you'll be home."

I fell back onto the bed and heard the front door open. "Who in the hell is that?" I wondered and walked out the door to see a literal keg being carried by Tyler Lockwood. "What the-"

And if Tyler was here, that meant...

Right on schedule, Elena walked in the door, taking the stairs two at a time. Elena made a beeline for her sister and they hugged each other tightly. "Great idea! Getting us all together!" she said. "Where's Caroline?" she said looking around the room, when her eyes got to my corner of the room, I waved a hand softly at her.

"Oh my, god! It's been too long!" she beamed and tackled me with a hug. As she pulled away. "Let me look at you. Oh, wow! You're glowing. Marriage suits you." I hate her. I hate her so much. She and I both know I'm 20 pounds overweight and look like total shit.

"And you and Tyler!" I said. "So soon!"

Her smile grew, she pushed the ring toward me. "The ring is just perfect," she said. "It's his moms!"

"Aw," I smiled and pointed back toward my room. "I'm just going to quickly change and call Stef again really quickly."

"No need!" Elena said and flicked her hand. "He's getting the second keg from the car."

"...oh."

"He came to pick us up," Tyler said. "Then we went to the liqour store together. Did he not tell you?"

I took a shaky breath. "I've been out all day." I looked at the door and then pointed back toward my room again. "I'm... I'm going to change." I said, trying to make it seem like I wasn't phased.

"Be quick!" Elena said. "We need to take a shot!"

I smiled and nodded then walked back to my room and shut the door behind me leaning against it.

 _Okay, what the fuck?!_


	12. Chapter Eleven - one chance

**Chapter Eleven**

 _Sometimes the past echoes in the future_  
 _Starting long before we were born_  
 _Sometimes you only get one chance_

* * *

 _She's not you,_ the words played in my head over and over again. She's not you. I was his one. Elena was the backup plan. Which was horrible and awful and all. But, also, amazing to know that.

It made me both blissfully happy and disgustingly horrified. The fact that those three words made my body so electrified disgusted me to my core. But, I couldn't shake the feeling. He was still _Stefan Salvatore_ to me. Stefan Salvatore. The one that I'd seen in the halls on his first day and I melted. The only person I would ever have married.

Since the day I saw him, I knew I wanted him forever. And I was his _one,_ too.

Except that... he wasn't my The One, was he? Or, wouldn't I be with him? There was something missing. Something was missing with him, that's why I left with Katherine.

When I walked into our apartment, the air was cold. Cold for not being used all day. I turned on the lights and walked toward the kitchen. There was a bottle of red sitting on the counter, half drank. Two glasses in the sink. Sam and Katherine. I grabbed a second glass and poured the remaining wine into the glass and went to throw the bottle away. When I went to throw away the bottle there was another in the trash.

Sam wasn't a big drinker. I made a face at the trash can, as if asking it what was going on. I sighed and took a gulp of my wine and walked into the bedroom. I changed into a comfy pair of pajamas. My clothes smelled like Stefan. My skin smelled like Stefan. I sighed. I needed to take another shower.

But, I didn't want to.

I chugged the wine and put my glass in the sink. I pulled on a hoodie to contain the Stefan smell inside loads of fabric and went to bed without setting my alarm.

The morning came fast. I'd slept so well, I hadn't even heard Katherine come home. I stretched a looked over at her. She was fully naked and over the covers. Her nipples pert from the air conditioning, and her hand on her clit from masterbating before bed like she always did. I pulled off my hoodie, forgetting for a moment about anything else and made my way between her legs. I licked her, waking her up. She pushed my head into her core and I pleasured her with my tongue.

She tasted like sweat, sugar, and wine. She had drank so much the night before I could smell it in her pours. I made her come in minutes and after I did, she smiled, eyes still closed.

"Wake me up at 9:00," she instructed and pulled a stray sheet over her. I laughed and agreed and kissed her thigh. I stood and almost moved to kiss her forhead but I remembered Stefan and his scent and the fact that less than 12 hours ago he was inside me and I thought better of it.

Fuck, my life was bad. So complicated.

I walked to my side of the bed and grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom. I changed the password on my phone so Katherine couldn't open it. It's the same thing I did right before leaving Stefan. History was repeating and my head was swirling. I went the bathroom and turned on the shower and checked my phone. I locked the door as I read his texts.

 _Hey, I'll be done at 5:00. Want to meet me at my hotel? I left a key for you at reception in case you want to come this way earlier._

I texted back.

 _I'll be there at 5:00._

I paused.

 _I want to fuck you again._

I pulled off my clothes and regretted my decision to write that.

 _Can you meet earlier? I have an hour lunch break at 1:00._

I smiled. The regret still there but lifting.

 _I'll see you then._

I came three times in the shower thinking about Stefan and I made Katherine come one more time before she had to leave for work. I ate her out on the kitchen counter as she drank coffee and watched the news. She spasmed as the clocked turned to 9:30 and coincidentally needed to leave. Oops! No time to talk before she left. As she walked out the door, I mentioned that I wouldn't be home tonight.

"Class?" she asked, pulled the bag over her shoulder.

I nodded. "A few in a row."

She grinned and ran back to kiss me. I tasted like her. She liked that. "My working baby!" she stated and my stomach dropped.

"See you," I said.

And she left. I quickly showered and packed a bag. Yoga clothes and a summer dress and I put on my everyday attire of a tank top and shorts. I grabbed a quick breakfast from the fridge and left to the yoga studio. I had one class this morning and one class at three. Plus I have that phone interview to do. Plus, I had Stefan.

Full day.

As I pulled into the yoga studio, I got a text. Stefan.

It was a picture of him in the mirror. _This is your fault._ He was in a suit, looking so handsome, but then I looked closer. He was rock hard.

 _Oh. My. God. Stefan!_ I wrote back.

 _I blame you. Luckily you're going to take care of this for me, right?_

 _2 hours and counting._

 _You're counting by hours? I'm counting the minutes._

I smiled.

 _I like you._ I wrote. And then...

 _I'll count the seconds._

I walked into the studio and saw Sam stretching in the corner. I waved and she waved back. "How was the movie?" I asked as I passed her to the locker room.

"Hm?" she asked me, her head tilted.

"The movie? You went to a movie last night with Katherine right?"

Sam shook her head. "No." She seemed confused. "I asked her to go to a movie, but she canceled at the last second. So, I just stayed home."

I rubbed my lips together nervously. Then who had Katherine been with the night before? I smiled. "I totally forgot. I thought you guys had gone. But, I think she mentioned a change of plans."

"Yeah, she said her sister was in town."

I gulped.

"What?" I said. "Elena..." That would explain all the wine. "In town?"

Sam gave me an inquisitive look and I laughed. "Sorry, we haven't had a chance to talk yet today at all." Because I've been avoiding her like the plague.

"Is she not staying with you?" Sam asked. I looked at the clock. I needed to change.

"It's a long story, but she and I don't really mesh well. So, she usually gets a hotel." I sighed. "I have to... um... get dressed. Talk after?" I asked as I walked toward the dressing room. Everyone else was setting up their mats.

"I'll be fast!" I promised the rest of the group as I rushed into the room.

"Alright, breath in... breath out..." I closed my eyes as the class did the breathing exercises. "Breath in... breath out..." I heard the glass door open and it jolted me.

Katherine was sneaking into the room, pulling her hair into a top knot on her head. I gave her a look and she gave me a smile I didn't recognize. Then a wave.

Then I realized, it wasn't Katherine.

"Elena?" I mouthed, inaudibly.

She waved more and smiled and went to the back of the room and set up a mat on the floor.

"Two more!" I instructed. "In and out." I stood and tried to center myself, walking around the room. I walked to the back of the class and then instructed again.

"Let's begin in child's pose. Let your head rest down on the mat," I explained. I pointed to a regular. "Vanessa! Perfect! Look to Vanessa for guidance."

I grabbed Elena's arm to pull her out of pose and she stood. "What's up?" I said. "What are you doing here?"

Elena gave me a look. "Did Kat not tell you I was here?" I shook my head. "I surprsied her yesterday. Stefan's out of town on work. Houston, I think." _Oh. My. God._ "Anyway, I was bored and thought I'd come see you two." She giggled a little. "I mentioned I was going to come see you. Kat can be so vindictive. I can't believe she didn't tell you."

I sighed. "Child's pose!" I said and pointed to her mat.

I centered myself again and walked to the front of the room. "As you lay in the pose remind yourself that everything is okay in this moment," I said as calmly as I could muster. "You have everything that you need. Right here."

I sighed. I have 55 minutes of yoga to instruct and I couldn't let this bother me. I was going to walk to the front of the room and do the full class with the group. I rarely did that. But, today I would. "Reach your arms in front of you, widen your fingers," I said as I did the pose with them. This was going to be a long hour.

As the hour ended and the class dispersed, I patted the sweat from my head. I looked at the clock. I had my interview in 15 minutes and I needed to be at Stefan's hotel in an hour. But, Sam and Elena were both staring at me.

"Sam," I said. "You've met Elena?"

Sam shook her head. "No, no, I haven't. Hi!"

Elena shook Sam's hand and then looked at me. "You're free until 3:00, right? Want to get some lunch?"

"No, I'm actually not. I have an interview with this other yoga studio that I need to get to," I said. Elena made a face. "I can see if someone can sub my 3:00 class and we can do coffee?" I offered.

"No, don't worry about it. I'll just see you at your 3:00."

I tilted my head. "You're going to do another session today?" I wondered.

"Sure. Why not? Kat's busy until 6:00." Elena said and I walked back to the dressing room and Elena followed. "Want to grab dinner with us?"

"Can't, I'm subbing for a couple classes tonight. How long ya in town?" I asked, my voice shaking. "We can get breakfast tomorrow?"

Elena nodded. "Sure. And, I'm sure I'll see you tonight."

I nodded and smiled. "Of course."

I was so nervous to be face to face with her. So much history there. I swallowed hard and she reached out to hug me tightly. As she hugged me, a shocking realization swept through me. He was lying to her too. He didn't even tell her where he was going.

I pulled out of the hug and gave her a quick nod. "When do you fly back?"

"My flight leaves tomorrow around three," she told me.

"Well, I try to make sure I see you a little before then, hm?"

She nodded. "I'd like that."

I gave Sam a wave as I walked out to my car. My phone was already ringing for the phone interview and I was late to leaving to get to Stefan's room at the time I wanted.

"This is Caroline," I answered, flustered and out of breath.

"Did we catch you at a bad time?"

"Not at all," I said, centering myself again. I would need to be doing that a lot over the next couple of days. "I'm just leaving a yoga class."

"We're very used to talking to people right after a yoga class," the woman said with a laugh. "Should we get started?"

"Yes!"

When I got to the front desk and told them I needed a key, they asked if I was "Caroline Salvatore" and the name both gave me butterflies and pushed a pang of guilt through my side. I nodded softly and they handed over the key. When I walked into his room, he was already there. His suit jacket off and he was in the middle of taking off his tie.

My lips found his first. "I just had an interview with a yoga studio," I said between kisses.

"Yeah?" he asked. "How'd it go?"

I smiled and licked his neck as he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled off my yoga pants. "They want me to observe a class tomorrow, and then teach one on Sunday."

"That's a good sign!" he said with a wide grin.

"Right?!" the excitement was running through my veins. "If I get this job, I won't just be a part time instructor. I will be running the studio. Making the schedule! I can do as little or as many classes as I want."

"And you have plenty of ideas, don't you?" he said with a laugh. He stripped off his shirt and unbuttoned his pants. "You want to have parties for the regulars and..."

"...and give away free coconut water if you do five classes in a week."

Stefan chuckled and kissed my cheek and then my neck. He pulled off my shirt and unbuttoned my bra and I was sweaty and naked and he was naked to. We went to the bed and as he kissed my body, I kept talking. I couldn't stop talking.

"This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I should be doing. I'm wasting my time being part time anything," I said and his tongue tickling my stomach as it glided down my body. "I can't believe I've been here this long and just didn't let myself dive into anything."

"You'll be amazing," he murmured, his lips at my core and then he was eating me out. And it felt so amazing. "You are amazing," he whispered into me and I pulled his hair.

"Ow!" he said, partially joking.

"I want you inside me."

"Whatever you want," he said with a smirk and then her was riding me. And moments later, I was riding him.

We worked our way around the room until we found ourselves on the bathroom floor and the cold tile was making me want it even more. I turned so he could come into me from behind and I could feel the cold tile on my nipples and clit and I screamed as he penetrated me.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I said once and then it kept coming. I could stop saying it. He came hard and the warmth of his come started to make me come. I fingered myself until I finished and then I turned.

He fell to the side of me and pulled me into him. "I love you, too," he said into my ear and I tightened.

"What?"

"I don't know why I didn't mention this before," I said, realizing my huge error. I got on my elbows and looked at him. His hand caressed my stomach and my breasts, circling one until it came to the nipple, than circling the other, then back down to the belly button. I forgot how much I loved the way he touched me.

"Elena's in town. She thinks you're in Dallas?"

"Houston." He corrected and stopped tickling me. He hand went to his haid and he began fixing it. As if it wasn't already perfect.

"Did you know..."

Stefan shook his head. "She told me she was going to see Jeremy in Portland."

"So, you're both lying to each other."

"It would appear so," he said. I stared at his hand, suddenly needing his touch.

"Touch me again," I instructed. He lay his hand on my stomach. "Like before." He began the triangle again. I rubbed my lips together and closed my eyes, thinking.

"Why would she lie to you?"

"She knows how I feel about Katherine," he said. "Maybe that's why."

"Katherine didn't tell me she was in town either," I told him. "She just let me find out by seeing her at my yoga class."

Stefan's hand stopped and he stood, walking to bedroom. I followed him to see him getting dressed again. "I need to get back." I looked at the clock. I was approaching 2:00 and I had a long drive ahead of me to.

"We'll talk tonight," he said and kissed my cheek as he continued to get dressed. I pulled on my yoga pants and shirt and pushed everything else in the bag.

I went to walk out of the room and stopped before I did. I turned to him. "This doesn't change anything for you, does it?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused. "You and me?" he laughed as if it was ridiculous. "No matter where Elena is, this is still cheating. And no matter where she is, I still..." he paused. I felt sick. "I still want you. I wanted you last night. I want to you tonight. I want you tomorrow."

"It's just, you seem..."

"Her being here is confusing me. That's all. But, not about you. I meant what I said." He moved his hand to my tattoo, the S behind my ear. "I love you." He thought for a moment and then kissed me. "And I'm working on a little something. Okay? So, I'll see you back here around 5:00, yeah?"

"Take me to dinner?" I asked sweetly and he nodded. "Yes!" he looked me up and down. "Maybe you should shower before dinner." he said teasingly.

"Maybe you can shower with me!" I said and chewed on my lip.

He pulled me in for a long kiss and then kissed my forehead. "I'd have you again right now if I didn't have to get back," he said and with that, he walked out of the room. I giggled to myself and made an inventory of my things. As I went to walk out of the room I heard the tell-tale click of the lock.

He was coming back in, but why. "We rerouted at the last second," he was saying behind the door. The click happened again. "This damn key," he said. Who was he talking to? It didn't matter. He was trying to give me time to hide. I went behind the bed and scrambled to get underneath it.

I pushed my bag under the bed and then I was under it too. I closed my eyes tightly and grabbed my phone and turned it to silent.

It was Elena. I heard her voice as they walked in the room. "Ew," she said, a little laugh in her voice. "This room smells like sweat."

"I worked out and didn't have time to shower," he lied. "So, I thought you were going to see Jer?"

"I was and then I thought that I'd be seeing him next month, but who knows the next time I'll see Kat and you don't like her anyway... so..."

I heard a couple quick kisses. "I really have to get back to my meeting." She whimpered a little. "Sorry, Elena, I'm working."

I chewed on my lip, hard. "I was going to try to go to Caroline's class anyway."

"Okay, good," he said. "I've really got to go."

"Okay, so, I'll see you tonight?" she asked. "I can just tell them to cancel my room and I can stay in with you."

"Whatever's fine. But, I have business dinner tonight and won't be back to the room until late."

"That's cool," she said. "I'll probably be with Kat until midnight or later anyway. Caroline has some classes she's teaching tonight and I wanted to wait around for her."

"Come on, babe, I really got to go," he was rushing her.

"You don't have time for a quickie. I'm ovulating, you know?"

Stefan scoffed. "I am _not_ having that conversation with you again."

Another pout. A couple scuffles. A quick kiss.

"Let's go!" Stefan almost yelled, and then the door opened and closed.

I waited for a moment, then shifted out from under the bed. I walked to the door and looked out the peephole of the door. I could see them walking down the hall. Just before they left my view, I saw Elena smack his ass.

I leaned against the door and swallowed hard.

 _What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?_

* * *

 ** _a/n: thoughts? Secret time! This is my favorite timeline._**


	13. Chapter Twelve - hide our emotions

**Chapter Twelve**

 _We hide our emotions_

 _Under the surface and tryin' to pretend_

* * *

I wiped down my neck with a wipe and then my face. It had been a hot and sweaty day and I needed to freshen up. I pulled off my sticky tank top and stepped out of my two tight jeans. I looked through the closet as quickly as possible.

A yellow dress stuck out to me and I pulled off my underwear and pulled the dress on. I pulled out a second wipe and freshened up between my legs and walked over to the set of drawers and opened my underwear drawer looking for a thong that I could throw on under the dress. I picked it up and as soon as I did, the bedroom door opened behind me.

Stefan walked in, his black shirt tight around his arms, his neck and forehead glistening with sweat.

"Hey," he said softly, and smiled at me. I walked toward him and put my arms around his neck and kissed him with urgency. He laughed against my lips and pulled away. "Easy tiger. We have company."

I ignored him, I kissed him again. I stuck my tongue in his mouth and started to unbotton his pants. He was falling into me, but still attempted to resist.

"Baby," he whispered. "Everyone is here."

"I. Don't. Care." I punctuated every word with a kiss and grabbed his hand and pulled it to me. I directed his hand to my bare thigh and up under his hit the moisture between my legs.

He growled with want and suddenly it was as if no one was there. He grabbed my thighs and hoisted me up until I was wrapped around him. Once I was, he pushed me against the nearest wall and his mouth was all over me. A moan escaped my lips and he stuck his hand in my mouth. I bit down on it as he pulled his cock out and entered me.

A guttural growl escaped his lips and he moved his hand and his mouth was on mine again. Our tongues danced in unison and everything from the past couple days went out the window. We were one. We were in this together. I grabbed his black shirt with my fist and mumbled in a rushed tone. "I'm going to. I'm going to."

He smirked. "Come baby."

And, I did. We came together in unison. His body shaking as he released into me and my eyes felt like they were going to roll back into my head.

His lips found mine for one more salty and measured kiss. Our breathing heaved and then he was slowly allowing my feet to hit the ground.

I giggled as I felt the come release from me. "So much for getting cleaned up," I giggled and grabbed a towel from the ground and threw it between my legs to catch everything before it dripped down me.

He chuckled. "What has gotten into you?"

I smirked. "Besides you?" I winked and he laughed. He put himself back together and ran his hands through his hair. He looked back at me, and walked to me and kissed me softly.

"See you out there?" He asked without expecting an answer and started to walk away. I grabbed his hand before he got too far. "Hm?"

"We're good?" I asked, any other words of substance leaving me.

He smiled, his eyes tired, but his smile genuine. "You and me?" he asked softly. "We're always good."

My softness hardened and I gulped. He gave me a light smile before walking out of the room.

 _You and me? We're always good._

After getting cleaned up for a second time, I walked out to the kitchen. The crowd seemed to be none the wiser and in my haste, I had forgotten to put on underwear. I suddenly felt very bear and exposed. I reached to my hair and out of habit, I braided it all into a side braid as I listened to Alaric tell a story about Damon and a student from the school attempting to hide that they were high in front of the dean.

I smiled at Mason and he handed me a shot glass. I shook my head and he rolled his eyes. "Caroline Forbes isn't taking a shot?" he scoffed in my face.

"What?!" Elena yelled. "You're taking a shot!" She was insistent! Her eyes darted to Stefan and he shrugged. Mason and Jenna barked at me as Elena poured herself a shot to take with me. She held her glass to me and I took the glass from Mason's hand and we clinked our glasses together. I watched as Elena poured the clear liqour down her throat and made a squealing noise as she came back up for air. She smiled widely at me, and nodded her head for me to follow in kind.

I scrunched up my nose. "I just don't feel like drinking."

"Oh my god, you're not... pregnant, are you?" Elena screeched and I gritted my teeth harshly. If I had been pregnant, did she really think _this_ is how I'd want to announce it.

I sighed and poured the drink down my throat. The warmth rose in my belly and I turned to Stefan and took the warm beer from his hand to chase the shot. I handed it back to him and pushed myself into the space in between his arm and chest.

He draped his arm over me loosely and I moved my head to his chest. I wanted to be near him, have him comfort me. I wanted him to tell me what was going on and tell me it would all be okay. But there were so many people and he was acting weird and _something_ was up.

I help my eyes already feeling the weight from the one shot and the room was loud with laughter. I looked up at Stefan to see what he was looking at. His face was blank, he was staring at the wall. I tapped him to get his attention.

"Hm?" he asked softly.

"Why are all these people in our house?" I asked, quietly, hoping that no one else could hear me.

His eyes met mine and looked up to nod to Katherine. "Ask her," he said nonchalantly and then his eyes went back to the wall where they'd been staring before.

"Stefan," I said in frustration, attempting to get his attention. He blinked slowly, took a sip of his beer and looked back at him. His _beer._ I tilted my head at him and released myself from his side. "Why are you drinking beer?"

"What?"

"You hate beer."

"Okay..."

"Who _are_ you right now?"

This had gotten everyone's attention.

"Lighten up, Caroline." Katherine scoffed. "What's the big deal. He drinks a beer for one night and..."

"He's been different lately," I state. "Really different." I point my finger at Katherine. "Ever since you came back."

She lifted her eyebrow at me. "Sounds like a personal problem."

I felt Stefan's hand on my wrist and he turned me around. "What?"

"Can we talk about this later?" he asked under his breath and I glared at him. I was never one who was good at timing. I turned back to see the group staring at me.

"I'm sorry, everyone..." I sighed. "I just have a headache."

And with that, I left the room. I walked into the bedroom and fell onto the bed in a big dramatic fashion, pushed my head into Stefan's pillow, and screamed.

I was in and out of sleep for hours. The loudness in the living room waking me often. After about an hour the loud outbursts subsided and I would only wake up to check the time.

I felt Stefan's cold hand on my bare ass before anything else. And then he was kissing my thighs, and then my core.

I moaned in agreement before thinking I shouldn't. I leaned into him and arched my back as his tongue slid up and down and inside me. I gripped the sheets and felt his hands go under the arch in my back, feeling my skin.

The room was silent aside from my moaning and the sound of his mouth on me. The silence made it easy for me to hear another moan.

My eyes opened slowly and I saw nothing in my immediate view. I looked down to see Stefan looking up at me as his tongue slid down me once again. My eyes closed again and I gave into him. I let his mouth pull me into a sea of pleasure.

I felt as he pulled at my dress, I let him pull it down and allowed my breast to spill from the edges. Then I heard it again. The light moan.

My eyes opened and I saw only Stefan. Stefan and darkness. I put my hands on my nipple and rubbed to intensify the experience and the moan was louder. I looked to my side and there she was.

Katherine, in nothing but a sports bra, was rubbing herself and she watched us.

"Just go with it," she said and I started to close my legs. Katherine reacted quickly, grabbing my leg and pulling it open.

My breathing was heavy and my I was exposed. Stefan's mouth hadn't left me and I was close, but so far. Katherine pulled off her bra and straddled me, blocking Stefan from my vision. She grabbed my hands and put them over her breasts and began to dry hump me. I could feel her clit on my stomach.

"Fuck me," she said it like she was begging me. She moved one of my hands to her clit and rubbed in a round motion. "Fuck me, Care." She begged again. She let go of my hand and I continued to finger her. She smiled, grateful and trimuphant and her head fell back as I fingered her. One of her hands fell to my nipple and the other went back to play with Stefan's hair.

"I want to fuck you both every day," she said, pleasure oozing from her mouth. "Don't you both just love this?"

Stefan licked me harder, and I moaned in agreement to the motion. He gripped my ass with one hand, and the other came up to grip Katherine's leg. As I saw his hand move to her core to help me finger her, I felt myself begin to come. I screamed out as I came into his mouth and as soon as I finished, he was up and his pants her off and suddenly, he was inside me. I was tender, but accepting and Katherine turned around and grabbed his balls and muttered something I couldn't hear.

He looked past her at me. "Yes," he said. His eyes hollow. "Of course you can move in."

As he said it, I could feel Katherine beginning to come around my finger and she fell next to me and gripped my nipple and nibbled my neck. I was beginning to get wet again, my body ready for a round two that seemed to already be under way, but my mind was reeling.

"You're mine now," Katherine said. "You're mine again." It was a whisper, she said it as her mouth met my neck and my eyes met Stefan's gaze.

My brows knitted together and he fell into me and brought his lips to mine. "It's okay, baby," he said it like a promise. "It's going to be okay."

And with that, he kissed me. And I found myself in a third threesome that I had not planned or asked for.

Why couldn't I say no to this?

* * *

 **a/n: I went quickly through this because I'm REALLY excited about the next chapter. Sorry, it's getting REAL smutty. Not that it ever wasn't smutty. Also, sorry for the delay. Shit has been getting REAL in my personal life.**


	14. Chapter Thirteen - look in your eyes

**A/N: I'm so sorry this takes me so long. But once it gets flowing I love where this is going. I hope you're all enjoying. Comments are GREATLY appreciated!**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen**

 _You got a look in your eyes_  
 _I knew you in a past life_

My entire life seemed to be crumbling around me. I waited for fifteen minutes before leaving his room. I wanted to make sure Elena not only enough time to get to her car, but to leave. On my way out of the hotel parking lot, I contacted a yoga teacher that lived close to the studio.

"Hello?"

"Alex," I said, out of breath, suddenly shaking. "I need you to cover for me."

"Are you sick?" she asked, worried.

"No," I said. "I -uh -" all of the lies were ganging up on me now. What was my excuse? Elena would be in the class. "I'll be there, I'll just be late. Get them started for me?"

There was no way out. I had to be there. I had to go to the class. I couldn't bail.

"You sure you're okay? You sound... sick or something."

I sighed out a shaky breath. "I'm fine." I breathed in again, centering myself. Or, attempting to. "I'm just running behind."

Off center. I was so ridiculously off center.

"You sound-"

"I can't center myself," I almost shouted. "I don't think I can center myself enough to teach class, but I can't bail because fucking Elena will be there."

"Whoa," Alex said back. "Okay. Why don't you just keep trying. And I'll teach your class. I'll tell Elena you got caught up with another studio."

"Really?" I said, tears in my voice. "You'll do that?"

"Sure. Which one is Elena again?" She said, teasingly.

"Oh. You know. The one who looks exactly like my girlfriend."

Alex laughed. "Oh yeah, that one."

I breathed a little easier. "Okay, thank you."

"Of course," she said. "Go get a coffee. Go to the beach. Take an hour off."

I agreed and with that, we hung up. I chewed on my lip and drove to my favorite beach. I needed to think.

I laid my yoga mat on the sand, put a hat on and lay in the sand and put my arm over my eyes. I was sticky with sweat from yoga layered with sweat from Stefan. I smelled like sex and bad decisions. My brain didn't have an off switch. After about a thousand attempts at meditation, I just let my mind race.

All roads led to one place.

What in the fuck was I doing?

There was weirdness just about everywhere. Weirdness in the fact that Elena was even _here._ That alone was cause to ponder. But, that really wasn't the point. Was it? Whether or not she was here, I was doing something insanely wrong.

I flipped over to my stomach, and laid my chin on my wrist. I watched as the waves crashed onto the land.

If it was wrong, why did it feel so insanely right? Maybe what was really wrong was every decision I'd made until yesterday? Every line of thinking made my stomach turn. This was a no-win situation. I was the sand and the waves of my thoughts crashed into me over and over again.

Or was I the water, and with each decision I made, I crashed into the people I loved. And I did love them. Both of them. So much. I rubbed the S behind my ear and I felt myself wanting to cry. I missed him so much. Being without him was... not possible. But - I left him. There was a reason for that, wasn't there? The closer I was to him, the less likely it felt that any reason I had to leave him had any base in reality.

My phone buzzed. It picked it up and saw his name. I didn't bother him after leaving the hotel, I knew he would be busy. But, I knew this call was coming.

"Hey," I said, finally feeling calm enough to not shake as I spoke.

He, on the other hand, was not feeling the same amount of centered. His breathing was erratic. His voice was high. "Uh, what the fuck?"

"Yeah," I agreed. My heart ached for how much pain I'd caused him and how I was still causing him turmoil. "I shouldn't have gotten involved with you again, Stefan," I said it all of a sudden. It spilled out like word vomit and suddenly I was crying. Tears streaming down my face. The honestly not able to stop.

This calmed him. "Wait," he said softly. "What?"

"I just can't stop hurting you, can I?" I cried. "I can't even believe I got us in this situation."

Stefan immediately disagreed. "Caroline Forbes. It takes _two._ " He said it so sternly. "I chose this too. I slept with you, too." He sighed. "And neither of us could have known Elena was going to just _show up._ "

I wiped my tears. "But, we both know this goes back further." A sob shook through me. "We wouldn't be in this situation had I... had I just stayed."

Stefan didn't immediately respond, the pause felt like an eternity. The waves crashed and I wiped another tear. "You did leave," he said. "You did leave..." he paused. "But, whatever was broken between us could not have mended had you stayed."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I didn't see it. I didn't see that you were unhappy. And you tried to tell me. I see that now."

I sat up. All of this was news to me. "What? How?"

Stefan paused again and I waited with baited breath.

"Because, Caroline, that's how I feel now." He laughed. "I couldn't see where you were coming from until I was in your shoes." A sob shook through me and then he partially laughed, partially cried. "I see it now. I've seen it for a while. I try to tell Elena how I feel, but she doesn't hear me. Because she got what she wanted, she can't see past that. You needed more. You needed me to see more of you. But, I couldn't see that. I was blind to it."

A silent sob rocked through my body. "You can't take the blame."

He laughed. "I don't. I'll let you take 90% of it," he said, partially teasing me. I laughed a little.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," he said, his voice quiet and full of insecurity. "Where are you?"

I stood up and wiped the sand from my legs and began to pack up my yoga mat. "I'm at the beach, I'm about to leave now."

"Meet me?"

"Where?" I asked. "We can't go to the hotel. We can't go to my house. This town is crawling with Gilbert sisters."

Stefan sighed. "Come on, Caroline. We need to talk this out."

I sighed and agreed. "Okay," I said softly. "There's a yoga studio about ten minutes from the hotel that I sub at sometimes, the last class is at six and then it'll be empty. Meet there? I need a shower."

"Send me the address."

I rubbed the tattoo behind my ear and agreed to send him the address. I could feel the Katherine tattoo on my hip suddenly. The ink felt heavy. I sighed and packed up my stuff and headed for the studio.

I turned the water on as hot as it would go and waited for the water to warm. Stefan would be a few minutes and I really wanted the sand and the sweat off of me. I pulled off my clothes and sat them on a bench in the room. The bathroom was an open floor plan. The showers were spitting distance from the lockers with no partition or shower curtain in between them. I walked from one side of the room to the other, the cold floor beneath my feet. I needed to hurry and shower and the weight of the day seemed to help me to not get distracted with anything else.

My fingers touched the warm water and I turned down the heat before fully stepping in the stream of the water. I let the water rush over me and tried to lean into it. I didn't think of anything but water and getting clean.

I scrubbed my body of Stefan. I scrubbed and tried not to think of the mess.

I tried not the think of his words last night. I tried not to think of the fact that he'd said "she's not you."

I hurried as quickly as I could and as I turned off the water, I heard the jingle of the front door, meaning Stefan was here. I wrapped a large fluffy towel around myself and ringed out my hair so it didn't drip too much. I walked toward the bathroom door and opened it to go to the main bulk of the studio.

"Stefan?" I called.

His head popped up over the counter. "Hey," he said softly. "You're already done?" he said with a frown. He moved to me and put his hands on my hips. "I thought I'd join you."

Part of me wanted to lean into him and smile and nod and agree to take another shower, one that would get us both a little more dirty. Hell, a lot of me wanted that. "I can't," I said.

His eyes filled with questions. "Caroline," he said, his voice sad. "What do you want?"

I chewed on my lip and a stray tear betrayed me and fell on my cheek without my consent. "I feel so awful. I feel like I can't move without hurting someone I love and I can't make a god damn decision and I just... we can't keep doing this. It's hurting too many people."

"What's done is done," he said. "You can't ask me to stop kissing you."

I felt sick to my stomach and looked up at his face. A tear fell from his eyelid and I got on my toes to kiss his cheek. Kiss the tear away. It was salty and the warmth of his skin made me want more and then my lips were on his. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop kissing him, but I couldn't kiss him. I felt like I was being ripped apart and I felt a sob crash through my chest again and everything hurt.

Without much notice, we were suddenly huddled together on the ground of an abandoned yoga studio. "It hurts. Everything hurts," I told him. "Being without you hurts, being with you hurts. I can't decide what is best and every choice is going to wreck someone and I feel like I'm being torn in half."

Stefan wiped my tears and nodded. "I'll understand. I'll understand if you want to stay here and keep on this path, Caroline. This was your choice. It's wreckless of me to ask for you to change it." He looked down, breaking eye contact.

"But, if it's over - don't leave me without one last time. One last kiss. One last everything. I didn't get to _know_ our last time was our last time until it was over. And if I'd known..."

And then I was kissing him, and I was all over him and he was all over me. We were one and it was incredible. We moved in sync and all I wanted was him and I didn't care about the consequences because he had been the one all along. I no longer felt like I was breaking because it was _him._ And I was so angry it had taken me this long to decide.

As he entered me, I grabbed his face and kissed him harshly, and murmured "I love you," into his ear. He smiled and whispered it back.

Our rhythm increased and as he released inside of me I moaned his name and all I thought of was him. He fell to the side of me and his breathing heaved. I turned to him and smiled. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. Take me home."


End file.
